My Sweeties

It was one of those days when I just needed to take some pictures so I could sit down and look at them and remember how much I have to be grateful for. It's so easy to let circumstances and unfulfilled longings take over (I nearly burst into tears today at the Y when I saw a pregnant woman with her cell phone balanced on her cute belly; I've never wanted my stomach to be LESS flat as much as I wish it were now!)- and steal my joy in what is present. There are some times it affects me more than others, but it's starting to be more of an all-the-time ache than it used to be as time continues to pass, and people who got pregnant when I first wanted to be now have smiling 6 month olds! It's hard not to get caught up in the hurt and disappointment and fear... but if I do, I'll miss what's right in front of me. My uterus might be on strike right now, but I am still so blessed to be a mother. 

And these girls are pretty great.

 I love this picture of Carolyn; it somehow just looks like her personality right now. :) Plus, it's actually in focus, which is never a bad thing. :)

 Tonight they were throwing their Pooh bears around on the neighbors' trampoline, and having a marvelous time. :)

 Poor Nora is so skinny that nothing stays up on her behind, so she was continually having to yank her skirt up. :)

 Speaking of skinny, this girl's a little rail, too- I took her this week for her 5 year checkup. She is about 41.5 inches tall and not quite 36 pounds (with all her clothes on!). No wonder nothing stays up on her little waist either! It's so hard to find clothes that are right in both length and width... good thing she really likes to wear dresses and leggings.

 She's been dressing herself most mornings now, and finally I think that's going to stick. She is handling it well when I test her on not having the choice, so I think she's finally ready for that freedom. :) Yay! I was getting SO tired of having to pick out clothes for her!

 Love this action shot of Nora and Pooh. :) They sure do love those Pooh bears I got them! Funny how some ideas turn out to be great ones (like going to see the Pooh movie together last weekend and pulling their very own Pooh bears out of my magical bag when we sat down in the theater), and other ideas just FLOP- like taking cans to the store today to feed to the "can eater" (aka can recycling area)- it amused Carolyn for about 5 minutes, and terrified Nora- an hour and a half later, I left the store with a huge headache and $90-some dollars on groceries...

 I do love this pic of Nora too- it shows her chubby toddler legs and captures her constant motion. :)

And here is Carolyn explaining to me how to catch the Pooh bear she was going to throw off the tree house. :)

And this is the end of my post. I have so many other things to do this weekend with company coming and bows and writing projects to do... I'd better get some sleep since my brain is fried!

Water Bottle... and Thoughts.

These pictures kind of crack me up because they are so representative of how very TWO Nora is! I was playing around with my camera and the light at the beach house where my brother and sister-in-law were staying this week, and just kept snapping as she was so cute with the bottle in her little 2-year-old hands!

 I don't think she's ever been allowed to drink from a water bottle like this before. She was really enthralled with the novelty of it.

 I showed her how to screw the cap off (maybe I'll regret teaching her...) and she was absolutely fascinated with this new skill!

 She tried over and over and over.

 And was so pleased with herself when she got it to work!

She is so cute I just want to eat her all up sometimes. :)

We've had a few decidedly not-so-cute moments recently with some toilet training regression. But we're working hard on giving lots of recognition and attention for staying dry and clean, and we've let her know that when she is a big enough girl to be consistently dry, that she will get to have a Big Girl Bed- something we've been planning on putting together but just haven't gotten around to doing- she is so excited (3 completely dry days this week!)! She can tell you if you ask her what we're working toward that she's going to get a big girl bed. I know she's ready... but it sure does make me wistful to think of not having an occupant for our crib! Plus, since it's a drop side, we can't even give it away or use it for a as-yet-unexpected additional child! It makes me sad to think of that bed on the side of the road for the garbage truck. :( So many of my favorite memories feature sweet little baby rumps pushed high up in the air in that absurd sleeping posture that toddlers have when they start sleeping on their tummies! Ouch! I'm sooo not ready to leave the baby stage... and yet- whether I like it or not, it is passing... and a new stage for our family is beginning. There are lots of good things about where we're going... but maybe I'll permit myself to shed a few tears about what we're leaving behind. I miss having a baby in our house! [and no, if you have an extra one, I don't really want to borrow yours... unfortunately, that doesn't really help- I want my OWN baby! 

I think I am moving into a more healthy place with the desire; no longer angry about it, and really not even dominantly jealous of the (many) people in my life who are being blessed in this way... just wistful, and a little sad. I called the REI's (reproductive endocrinology/infertility specialist) office this week and have a plan for the steps we need to take to be seen, evaluated, and hopefully treated. I know that many people have also walked in this journey, and sat in offices like that, and dealt with the hormones and the anticipation, anxiety, and disappointments that are just part of the process of assisted reproduction... I just kind of wish I didn't have to be one of them! But at this point, I know that this is the next step for us, and I do have peace about pursuing interventions that hopefully will result in another mouth to feed and a new occupant for a new crib- and hopefully at some point I will have my own ultrasound pictures to share again- ones that don't just show black spaces in my body (seriously, I feel like there have been SO MANY ultrasound photos on Facebook lately (no offense to those of you wonderful people who have been posting them- I love you all and I'm glad for your happiness!)- I wanted to post my ultrasound photos of my follicular scan I had a couple weeks ago just to be part of the party- lol- but I think people might have gotten the wrong idea...)

Tonight we had a Bible study at our house- we're working through Beth Moore's Esther series on Sunday night this summer- it's been a great, intimate group, and I'm always so glad when we have it. There's always something that seems to really stick with me from the video. Tonight it was the very last few minutes that really captured me. I won't say it as well as Beth says it, but she was talking about the Bible verse that says something like "those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint." And she wondered aloud why it is that sometimes when we're asked to wait, it's anything but a renewing experience. And then she said that the reason that we rarely feel renewed when we're waiting is that we are not really waiting on the Lord; we are waiting on a thing or an event or something that we desire to happen. I've been "waiting on" a baby that has not materialized for the past year. But I don't know that I really have been waiting on the Lord. I'm going into the "hard week" this week. More than likely, I will be reminded again, that the answer for us is still "wait." I'm trying to brace myself, to be ready, but I'm truly dreading the disappointment. I need to remember that if I am waiting on the LORD, and NOT on the "elusive third child" (as I've lovingly called it)- He promises my strength will be renewed and I will have what I need to soar on wings, run and not grow weary, and walk and not faint. And so I will wait.

And while I wait, I will remember that I am not forgotten. That I am abundantly blessed. And I will kiss my big girls on their soft sweet cheeks, and enjoy a few more nights of seeing those cute butterfly crib bumpers before the big girl bed takes its place!

Blueberries

I have lots of pictures to unload... and I've been suffering through The Plague this week. Some kind of summer cold has settled in my chest and in between working multiple jobs and having family in town... I've been BUSY!

Last Saturday we went to pick blueberries...

 Sisters in the wagon.

 Love the braids.

 Tongue.

 Reach

 Look

 Gulp

 Back of head... many others like this.

 With Ammy

 With Nora

 Tired of picking, sitting in the wagon to eat.

 From where I was standing... the bucket full of blueberries!

 Helping.

 Hello little blueberry!

 Silly face!

 So cute!

 Closeup on the berry.

 Oops... should have visited the port a potty.

 Ammy and her girls. We missed Elliot!

 A bucket full of blueberries.

 Back in the wagon,

 Checking out the catch.

 Love these candid shots. :)

And love these girls. And we loved these blueberries! :)

Beach House Pictures

Nana and Papa have moved into the "beach house" at Lake Michigan for the next few weeks, and we've already been out a couple of times to enjoy this beautiful place with them- the weather this week is SO HOT- it's a really nice place to be. :) Here are some pictures of the girls at the beach- the reason they are mostly of Nora is because Nora is the only one who does not run away when she sees the camera. :)

Walking down through the dune grasses toward the beach.

 Little toes in the sand.

 Surveying the beach the first day- not sure what to think.

 What's going on here, Mom?

 Oh! Water! :) You can see Carolyn in the background, who is not afraid of the lake this year and made a beeline for the water the instant we got down to the beach the first night. :)

 Running out of the water and back to the sand. They expend a lot of energy when we go to the beach. :)

 I especially like this picture- somehow representative of our time at the beach with all the toys scattered everywhere and both girls absorbed in playing.

 Obligatory sand-in-the-hand shot. :)

There are some perks to being only about 25 pounds at 2 and 1/2! Daddy can swing Nora all around!

She loved it!

The second night we visited the beach, Carolyn and I went swimming together. There is a big sand bar not far from the shore where the water's only about a foot deep, and it's no more than about 40 inches deep at the deepest between the shore and the sand bar, so Carolyn had fun swimming out to it and riding the waves back. 

Nora watched us with interest and great concern that we come back. :)

 The beach might be Mommy and Daddy's favorite attraction at the beach house... but hands down, the girls' favorite part is the little bedroom upstairs that has two small twin beds in it. They played upstairs the last time we were there for over an hour- playing "house." There must be something about beds in a different person's house that makes it especially exciting! :)

We're planning a "slumber party" for later in the summer because they both keep begging to go to sleep there!