Laundry Mountain

Climb, climb up Laundry Mountain, heavenly breezes blow...

Climb, climb up Laundry Mountain, faces all aglow...

Turn, turn your face to heaven, reach up to the sky...

Climb, climb up Laundry Mountain, you and I!

Yup, that's what we did today... mountains and mountains of clean laundry piled, sorted, folded, hung, and PUT AWAY. I felt like a big time hero... even though in order to do it I had to plug my children in front of the TV... still, it's DONE! :)

The Trampoline

Our across-the-street neighbors got a trampoline this summer. Seriously EVERY time we pull in or out of our house Carolyn will get all excited and start yelling "MOMMY, it's the TRAMPOLINE!!!" She wants nothing more than to jump on that thing. I'm reminded sharply of my own childhood longing to play on my friend's trampoline- I remember her house like it was a magical place, with all sorts of amazing things that we didn't have at our house- I especially remember the trampoline and the Nintendo. :) Thankfully, our neighbors are generous, wonderful, kind people who will let us play on it even when they're not home. :) So I let Carolyn fulfill her desire last night and she jumped with such a happy look on her face! And I took pictures of course. :)

Auntie Laura came and joined us for awhile. And Carolyn didn't really jump on her head. ;) The new lens does a MUCH better job of freezing motion than my old lens did!! There's still the operator error factor, so most of the pictures are still not great, but I did get a couple I really liked. :)

Nora liked playing on the trampoline for awhile, but then she wanted down. And I just loved the vantage point of taking pictures from above her!!

Her eyes are closed, but this is a very "Nora" look. :)

And I love this picture of her trying on Auntie Laura's shoes. :)

Easy post tonight. :) Now to bed!

Same Beach, Different Day

You must all be sick of all the pictures of the beach... but it's such a fun place to take pictures, especially in the light of the setting sun...

It's kind of the perfect beach- soft sand, shallow water... stairs up instead of having to climb the dune... this is how Nora ruined the new swimsuit I got on the cheap (and cute)... rolling in the sand... when it came home it was covered in tiny black sand dots.

The last time we were there, Carolyn had such a fun time jumping off the edge of the sandy part into the water.

Nora stayed on the shore and clapped for her sister.

I love this picture of Carolyn running through the water... have I mentioned how much I love my new lens??!

Here's the little bumble bean looking cute. :)

And the big girl sporting a great "milk mustache," as she called it. :)

We have seriously awesome kids. And I am so grateful for them. :)

Elliot Thomas Scheffers

My sister became a mommy today. :) It was super cool that the girls and Laura and I just happened to be in Chicago today! We went out yesterday to be with Michelle since she stopped work last Friday and the last few days/weeks of pregnancy can be soo long! We were all expecting to truck her around the zoo with us and watch her "not" have a baby but maybe get a step closer with all that heat and walking! But this morning she said she felt like "death," and just an hour and a half after she finally went to the hospital, Baby Elliot Thomas was born at 10:20am! There wasn't time for an epidural... but I can tell this new mommy knows her sweet little guy was worth it all. :)

Carolyn was seriously SO excited to meet Baby Elliot!

The only other time she's ever been so close to someone so new was when her sister was born, and she was only 2 and a half then- she is so much more grown up now, and I think she could really get a sense of the miracle that every newborn is!

He is absolutely perfect and precious. I was so happy I was there to meet him on his actual birthday! I don't know when we'll go back down, but hopefully soon. :)

The focus in this picture is all wrong, but I kind of like it better for being all wrong- I love that it's focused on the three pairs of hands in the picture- tiny tiny newborn hands, growing child hands, and brand-new mommy hands that will grow immeasurably softer and stronger because of the precious child she now holds.

I've been a little emotional lately... blame the hormones... I got all fogged up over a friend's maternity pictures, I choke up when I talk about Elliot and my sister's brand new journey of motherhood, and when I saw another friend's glowing, newly-pregnant picture of herself tonight exactly as far along with her third child as I would be now with mine if we had not lost it, I fought the temptation to rush to a corner somewhere and have a good sob over it (as I confess I did the day I learned she was pregnant, though on some other level I was seriously thrilled for her at the same time as learning of the pregnancy made the loss of mine hurt more strongly). It was really sweet to see Carolyn today soaking in the wonder of her cousin. It made me long for the day when I can hand her another small bundle and see her be a big sister again.

But tonight as I held my almost-18-month-old "baby" when she should have been in bed sleeping because she wanted to be held as much as I needed to hold her, I prayed a new prayer. I prayed that God would take the intensity of that desire away from me for now. I prayed for contentment with my present circumstances- for pure joy in the two amazing little girls I do have and the ability to be truly happy for others without first hurting for my own self.

I think part of the reason I want another one so badly is that I want proof that I still have the ability to, even after everything that happened- the immediacy of the desire is at least partly related to my deep fears that I will never be able to conceive again; I want a quick fix to show me that I'm not broken. It's not just that- I do believe that I also want another child for all the right reasons- but if I'm honest with myself, I'm maybe not really ready to go there again right now- after a day like today with the appearance of the world's whiniest 4-year-old (I think maybe we picked her up at the zoo? ;)) wearing the external appearance of my sweet Carolyn and driving me BONKERS on a very HOT day, and a wild and crazy toddler in a constant quest to learn and continually re-verify the limits- I think I have my hands very full indeed, and part of me wonders why in the world I would want another child when the two I have have me ready to go over the edge!!

Then I hold that brand new baby and absorb his preciousness and I know exactly why I want another baby. Because there's just NOTHING better in this world than being part of God's miraculous, creative work. There's nothing I've ever experienced that has brought more joy than the whole process of bringing life into the world. And the dream of doing it again is so strong in my heart. I want that next baby as viscerally as I wanted the first two. But maybe for awhile, the dream needs to go to sleep. So I'm praying now that God would let it sleep until it is time to be fulfilled... because I don't want to waste a single day of what He has given to me. There is much to enjoy, celebrate, be, and do, and just because the answer to my prayer for another child seems to be "not now," I don't have to lose my joy in today. Lord, help me find a way to be content!!

Boo

I think Nora may be taking some mini-steps toward potty training... she still doesn't like sitting on it, but she is starting to have a greater awareness of what is happening in her body. Her vocabulary continues to grow daily- recently she grabbed on to an expression for "poop." Great early word, I know- but I had to laugh when the evidence was all in the air when I came to get her this morning and she looked at me with this plaintive look, pointed at her diaper, and said "BOO!" :) That girl's cute even when she's poopy. :)

Still Dealing

I've been contemplating a blog post for weeks. I don't even really know what to write, but I feel like I need to in order to clear the cobwebs in my head. It's been over two months since we got on this roller coaster that I don't recall waiting in line to board. Life happens, stuff like this happens, much worse stuff happens all the time... and yet this has been much harder for me than I have admitted on this blog. I've been sitting here for about half an hour trying to write about it, but I just can't in a way that sounds right.

The facts are basically that it's been two months now, and though some of the really acute elements of this experience did resolve well... others are yet to come back to normal. My body is still in some sort of shock from everything that's happened and the whole process of "healing" after the D&Cs and the ectopic pregnancy has not followed the "typical" progression. I won't go into excessive detail, but about now was when we were supposed to be able to "try again," but I still have yet to have even ONE normal cycle. Nothing is working the way it's supposed to, and I am feeling really discouraged about it because I really WANTED to be pregnant, I really wanted to have that third baby... and now, once again, I feel like pregnant women are SURROUNDING me! I have re-started my list for the third time of "friends who are pregnant when I want to be" and begun praying daily for these women and their unborn children because it is the only thing that keeps me somewhat sane in my attitude and thoughts toward those who have what I cannot have right now.

So basically tonight I'm having a "woe is me" moment. :( Hoping for a better outlook tomorrow!!

Another Day at the Beach

We're loving Nana and Papa's cottage on Lake Michigan! I was all excited to try out the new lens on the beach... but really it was too bright for very good pictures. Still I had some fun trying. :)

Here's Nora watching the sea gulls- a major source of fascination for our little bird lover.

Carolyn continued to have fun baking pies and playing in the sand. Can you see how blonde her hair has become this summer! Being outside has even been good for MY hair lately- people keep asking me if I got highlights! Um.... not for about 4 months... too expensive!

Carolyn decided to brave the waves with Daddy today! Big step for her. She's not a big fan of risk of any kind and usually refuses to try anything new unless she feels in control of all the variables (gee, who does that sound like?! Could I possibly have been this way at four?!)

Nora wasn't really a waterbug today, but she did sit on the shore and let the waves "kiss" her feet for awhile. I like this picture because it shows their feet. :) So precious.

Blueberries!

My friend Kasey, of POSH Photography, was running a special this week- for just $30, we got some really great shots of the girls picking blueberries at a u-pick farm. Kasey did great! Hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I do! :) Thanks, Kasey!

Digging the 2.8 :)

Today I got my new camera lens (28-75mm, f 2.8)!! I'm still hopelessly amateur, but I had a lot of fun testing its capabilities today. It was cool that pictures turned out almost without my trying very hard at all. I know I can do better if I'm actually conscious of light and setup... but I am LOVING the wider aperture (bigger opening to let more light in, enabling you to take sharper pictures in lower light situations- like inside).

The girls had school today so no one was home when I got home with the new lens, so I had to start somewhere and consequently got some really amazing shots of the clutter on my kitchen table. :)

And the dog- I took that picture from halfway across the room!

Then after dinner I just randomly took some pictures of the girls playing.

Carolyn doesn't like showing her face when the camera is out, but here's a nice picture of her hair. :)

It's sort of evil that I even took this picture, let alone posting it on my blog... but she's so cute when she cries (she is SO dramatic!!) and how awesome is that blurred background? :)

I tried it out in the bathroom and while I usually hate all bathtub pictures because they always turn out super yellow, the new lens plus the external flash I was able to get at the same time, made these pictures halfway decent. :)

And then after the kids went to bed, I took the new setup outside and took some pictures of my bows... and they turned out great!

I'm pretty geeked about the new lens... and I'm excited to take it to the beach on Friday!!

Castles

Every night during our "talking time," Carolyn asks me to tell her about my "castle." It started out as a ploy to give her something to think about as she lies in bed waiting to get sleepy besides how mad she is about going to bed... I told her about what I used to daydream about as a child. Even to this day I need to find someplace to "park" my mind when I'm trying to go to sleep. I park it in different places but as a little girl, I clearly remember creating this alternate world in my head where I was the princess, living in a castle, and having all the things that I thought were woefully short in my life. :) Never really thought that I'd one day use the story to soothe my own child!

This is what I tell her about my castle. I lived in a round room (like in one of the towers of a castle), slept in a canopy bed (if my mother had only known how I longed for a canopy bed as a child she might have given in to my father's thoughts that I ought to have one... :)), and, most importantly, the walls of this chamber were studded with various and sundry candy dispensers so that I could consume whichever sweets I fancied by the moment. I very much felt as though candy and sweets were sorrowfully lacking in my life (drat my parents' thoughts that I would do better eating fruits and vegetables and real food as opposed to Nerds, rock candy, and jelly beans!)- but in my dream world, I had them and to spare. And I never got sick, as I surely would have done if I had been permitted to eat as much of those things as I would have wanted as a 5-year-old! :) Also, in the castle were many secret passageways and chambers (I still would love to buy a house some day with a secret room!), and a swimming pool filled with flour. For some reason as a child I thought it would be much more fun to swim in flour as opposed to water- now I realize the physics would never have worked, but it was my dream world after all.

And that is the basic story. She made me tell it every night for weeks, and now she is finally beginning to reciprocate and tell me more about the castle she is creating for herself in the sky. It still sounds a lot like mine (especially the parts about candy :) we share a sweet tooth and I don't let her indulge hers as much as I indulge mine on the sly... one of the real perks of being the grown up in the relationship :))

Today I asked her to sit down and do some drawing while I read books with Nora as practice for sitting still in church. This picture is what she drew. I thought it was really great!

She's really funny about her art. She often draws very abstractly- drawing how something FEELS rather than how it actually LOOKS. I think this, too, is related to something she gets from me- the drive to feel successful! She really hates it when she draws something and in her mind it doesn't look like she thinks it should (even though I of course think it looks wonderful!)- so she doesn't really try to make things look like what they're supposed to, but rather expresses the essence of something because she has the motor skills to make a picture that pleases her that way. Dear child, I'm sorry you got that from me!! I never do anything that I'm not good at... and I've missed out on a lot because of it!!

Beach Night

Brad's folks who live in South Carolina have rented a cottage on Lake Michigan for the summer to escape the oppressive southern heat and we are thoroughly enjoying spending as much time there as possible. :)

It's a really pretty private beach with relatively shallow water and lots and lots of sand!

This is the best I could do for a picture with Nana and the girls- it's the only one where even one of them is looking at the camera!

Brad and I went swimming in the lake (since it was over 75 degrees in Lake Michigan that day!) and really enjoyed a chance to play together and swim without worrying about the kids for awhile! It's been a long time since we have been able to go swimming together because one of us usually needs to be keeping an eye on the kids- but since Nana and Papa were there and we both love swimming in the waves, we said "see ya!" and had a great time by ourselves!!

This is what Nora did.

There was a bucket.

There was water inside the bucket.

No one really wanted you to taste the water, but you did anyway because that's what toddlers do.

The water in the bucket was made to be poured out. Exploration was fun for awhile, but then out the water went, every time.

And then you just hold your hands out, like this, and someone refills the bucket! Amazing!

Carolyn had a wonderful time making pies.

Someone even managed to get a couple pictures with her looking at the camera! Side note: I am going to get a new camera lens soon and I am very excited to be able to take better candid pictures because I won't have to be right in her face! :)

She liked searching for rocks. I like how her hand looks all covered with sand with the smooth rock in it. :)

Also I couldn't resist getting a shot of how adorably windswept she looked! I would pay good money for my hair to look like that!

After awhile, we were done swimming and came back to the beach to enjoy the sand with the girls (and the sunset, ignoring the fact that bedtime was retreating further and further into the distance the later it got!)

I helped Nora with her "soup" (and took pictures of course :))

Brad helped Carolyn create her own "cauldron" out of sand to make "stew." She liked bringing the water back.

After awhile she even got brave enough to go IN the water, and she loved it too, though the waves did scare her a bit.

And of course no trip to the beach would be complete without returning lots and lots of sand to the water!

A beautiful sunset crowned the day for us, and we went home happy but tired and put us all to bed!