Butterflies

 On Thursday last week we went to the indoor gardens in town- they have a butterfly exhibit that runs in March and April, but the secret is to go a few days before the official event starts because there are just about as many butterflies, but not nearly as many people! Nora was captivated by the butterflies (for at least 10 minutes... short attention span at 2... one reason I'm glad we have a membership and didn't pay $12/person to go see the butterflies!)

Carolyn insisted on wearing this dress in hopes that a butterfly would land on her. She wasn't quite still enough to entice any butterfly landings, but she looked pretty anyway. :)

 We went with our friends Rachel and Caimon and their mommies and little sisters.

Hard to believe these are the same kiddos!! :) We don't all see each other as much as we would like to anymore since our "big kids" are getting so big and so busy, but I am so glad we have each other. :)

Family

Today I got to thinking about families... and how families look lots of different ways. Sometimes, when you thought you had a plan for how life was supposed to turn out, and it doesn't end up working out the way that you thought it would- it's easy to get discontent and see only people who have what you wish you had and don't. When I wanted so badly to have a baby, ALL I seemed to see around me was pregnant women and little babies! And then a couple years later, when Carolyn-my-baby was shooting up into a wild and crazy toddler and all I wanted was for her to have a sibling (especially, a sister!)- the families around me seemed to have all morphed into two-kid families with both kids less than 2 years apart! I vividly remember going to the park the spring that my womb felt SO empty and my heart just burst with longing for another baby, seeing moms of two, and feeling as though I was lagging behind in a race or coming up short in a test because my baby was about to turn two and there still wasn't another in the works. Of course, as it turned out, there was tremendous blessing just around the corner from those spring moments as we learned that Nora was coming in June, just before Carolyn did turn two.

And now... here we are, a couple years later- that same "empty" feeling as my baby is growing up and moving away from my arms into the wider world... and as my longing for another little one to hold and cuddle increases, the discontented part of me only seems to see families with a whole brood of little ones and many reaching hands clamoring for the mother's attention as she strains to see over her pregnant belly to see who's down there- and of course, I fail to recognize in my moments of envy- that even ONE DAY like that would drive me CRAZY!! It's easy to only see what you want to see around you. Because I wanted to have my babies close together and it didn't work out that way- all I see is people for whom it did work out. Because I want a third child and our minivan has way too many seats for just the 4 of us and our dinner table really needs another messy placemat... it seems like people everywhere have just that and the lack of it "taunts" me and keeps me wallowing in self-pity and jealousy and feeling like a failure for being unable to reproduce in a way that seems timely to me.

But today as I was talking to really neat woman I met at my daughter's music class, I realized that there are whole other kinds of families out there. This cool lady CHOSE to time her children's births to be between 3 and 4 years apart because she wanted to be able to give the best of herself to them. She didn't feel like she'd lost the race or worry that she'd have to get all those babies quickly in order to have time to have the "right" family before getting too old to do it- she simply trusted that God would take care of their family and provide for them.

I'm not saying this well, but it really got me thinking that maybe I've been holding up this "ideal" and feeling like a loser because I haven't achieved it- but maybe, just maybe, God has another ideal for our family. And it isn't to make me miserable or always living in longing. Maybe He knows that I could not have handled simultaneous toddlers- and that I will give myself best to whoever will one day fill that next seat in our van and throw food from our high chair if I have a little more time to be ready for it. And maybe, just maybe, I will be happier, better adjusted, and a better parent for the children I do have, if I can learn to embrace His ideal for my family instead of trying so hard to get my square-peg dreams to fit in the round hole He made for me.

Last night, I held my girls, and we shared such a sweet moment. It was just a simple movie night when Brad was in surgery late... we didn't do anything special, but time seemed to pause for a whole hour as we sat together on the couch, and I held both of those girls. And I thought, this is pretty sweet.

Family doesn't have to look exactly the same. There is blessing and goodness and rightness in many different ways. And I'm going to try to see that in the everydayness of this life I'm living with these three people who are so dear to me.

We Don't Get Out Much

Well, at least not lately... I've been pulling my hair out the past few days of being stuck in the house! Wracking my brain for activities to keep us all from going bonkers! If I'm not careful, I spend the better part of the day staring at my laundry, watching the dishes "soak" in the sink, and feeling a little jolt, followed by a letdown every one of the hundred or so times I get a junk email each day. 

Yesterday, I did a little better... I did actually fold and put away a bunch of laundry... and I let the kids play with paints. Really not that creative- when in doubt, I typically bake cookies or paint... sometimes both... usually not at the same time... this day I let them paint their hands. They enjoyed it immensely. 

 Sometimes the mess is worth it. :)

The doctor's office said we can come out of quarantine now... assuming none of the rest of us comes down with it in the next day or so. They said that Nora's already passed the most contagious part of the illness and now it's just managing the aftermath. Being a mom, I'm really not all that fussed about poop... but seriously, the past few days have been excessive, and I'm quite frankly tired of it. So we're hoping the BRAT diet does something about that, and then we can get back on the Potty Train. :)

A Weekend In

We spent the weekend inside, for obvious reasons... there is no way I'd wish this on anyone! No one but Nora has gotten sick yet... but I'm not counting it out yet... we've all been amply exposed. And she's felt really lousy the last few days. I talked to the Dr.'s office this morning and apparently they are seeing this bug last up to 6 days. Ugh!!

 She's pretty much been lying around most of the time. Yesterday Brad took Carolyn out to burn off some steam and escape from our quarantined house and they went to Build A Bear and made a monkey for Nora. She was so excited to see it. It was about the only time she smiled all day! Unfortunately I made the mistake of letting her sleep with the monkey and when I had to come in a couple hours after she went to bed to clean poop out of Nora's hair (I think I should win a parenting laurel for that!)- the monkey was soaked. His instructions were to "surface wash only" but he managed to survive a wash cycle on hot and a trip through the dryer, so I guess he's made of firmer stuff than Build A Bear claims. :)

 Today I stayed in mostly with Nora, but Brad took Carolyn out to play in the snow- we got several inches of heavy, wet snow this afternoon and they had a great time sledding.

 It's so sweet to watch a daddy with his little girl. I so enjoy watching their special relationship grow as Carolyn gets older. They have so much fun together!

 He helped Carolyn build the cutest snowman that ever was in our front yard. :)

 Unfortunately she wasn't really looking at the camera when I tried to take a pic of them together... but you get the idea. :)

 Inside, I made chocolate chocolate chip cookies for the first time and they turned out wonderfully. :)

So... it's been a long weekend and I feel somewhat weary at the end of it and not ready for the start of a new week... but we're all just praying that the bug will stop with Nora and spare the rest of us!! Bless her sweet heart, she's still working so hard on the potty training even with all the digestive issues she's having- she just really doesn't like the diapers (neither do I!). Hoping we can get that process wrapped up once we're through with this!

Quarantine

 That yucky stomach bug made its way to our house this week. Nora's had it for about 24 hours and we're waiting for the rest of us to get it as we've all been amply exposed. She seems to be on the mend... so at least it looks to be a relatively short one... today we spent ALL DAY in the house, despite the sunshine outside. ALL DAY and I felt like I did NOTHING. We watched a lot more TV than usual. Guess that's just how some days go...

Warming Up

 I am not sure why I am still up playing on the computer... that'll make for a fun day tomorrow... but while I'm still piddling around, I thought I'd go for a quick blog post. It's been warm enough the last couple days to venture outside again!! All that snow we had two weeks ago is starting to melt away and it actually hit 50 degrees today. Yesterday we took the girls for a walk/bike ride. Carolyn is much better on her bike this year (though after a somewhat ambitious trek out yesterday I'm starting to wish we'd invested in a higher quality bike for her!) and Nora seemed to enjoy riding in the wagon- or at least the challenge of halfway standing up and being continually told to sit down. :)

I love my family. A good friend brought over some very precious gifts this week just to encourage me (I LOVE presents :))- and remind me to celebrate life as we know it now. There is a new picture frame on our mantelpiece with a picture of our family RIGHT NOW. It can be hard when you want something so badly to take the extra effort to be consciously grateful for what you already have... but I am trying- and succeeding in a lot of ways- much better this week than last! Yesterday I sat for a snuggle on the couch while they watched a kids program and I just absorbed their sweetness as they sat still with me for a brief moment of time. And tonight, after "couch time" with Brad when the timer goes off and the girls race off their "blanket time" to come pile on top of us for a hug- I smelled the sweetness of the kiddo conditioner in their soft hair, and thanked God for the sweetness of THIS moment.

Sticky Fingers

You know how children's hands always seem to be just the slightest bit sticky? Like all the cumulative stickiness of every piece of chocolate or pancakes or graham crackers or apple juice just sort of leaves a permanent residue? Tonight I was reminded of how much I want to freeze in my memory the feeling of sticky little fingers on my cheeks.

Nora has a funny way of getting my attention. No doubt it won't always seem so funny, but right now it is. Whenever I am holding her on my hip and talking to someone else she not-so-subtly puts her little sticky hand on my cheek and physically turns my head away from whomever I'm talking to and toward her own little diva self. :) Tonight she was playing a funny game with my face that just had me thinking about how sweet it is that sticky fingers want to touch my face... I was holding her and "rocking" her before bed (aka holding her in the chair while she wiggles all over the place) and she decided she wanted to put me to sleep. So she covered me up with her blanket and kissed me on the forehead just like I kiss her before bed, and said "La-Lu" (aka "love you") and then gently pushed my head to the side so that I would close my eyes and appear "asleep." Every time I "woke up," she'd repeat the performance, telling me good night over again while giggling up a little storm. So sweet.

And her fingers were unusually sticky tonight because she has had SO many M&Ms today! We had a really good potty day today. She only had one accident all day long and stayed dry even when we were out today! So exciting (and maybe also just a little bit nostalgic...?) that this house may soon be a diaper free zone!

Nora Paints

Today Nora got to enjoy some painting time. :) The pictures speak for themselves. :)

Rapunzel

Here's a picture Carolyn drew today of- who else?- Rapunzel. I love that Carolyn used so many different colors on her dress! She's getting so creative. I love  it! :)

Miss Two

I was too mopey yesterday to feel much like thinking through all the cool things that are Nora at two. But although nothing's changed in my circumstances, I feel better today and the sun was shining, and that's always a good thing. So here is my synopsis of Nora-the-two-year-old:

Stats:

• Weighs about 22 pounds (official weight to come after her doctor's appointments next week). 
• Finally moving out of 18 month clothes into 24 month clothes. Her legs are so skinny that the only pants that seem to fit right are the snug little leggings. 
• Sleeps: from about 8pm until about 7:30 or 8am- she's much more of a morning person than her sister, whom I often have to drag out of bed in order to get someplace on time! Naps from about 1pm to 3pm daily.
• Eats: more than she used to... especially if it's Rice Krispies or fruit. :)
• Eyes: have turned almost completely brown in the past year, though still with a little green tinge.
• Hair: fairly dark brown, past her shoulders. So soft and fine. 
• Hands: generally uses her left hand for just about everything, so Uncle Bryan will be happy to have another leftie in the family. :)

Loves: 

• Lovey (aka Oooh-eee!)
• Monkeys
• Jesus and her little green Bible
• the "Die-yon" movie (aka the Dragon movie aka How to Train Your Dragon) and its soundtrack. Both girls can tell me exactly what is happening in the movie based on what the music sounds like.
• Music of any kind, especially dancing music- this child loves to dance!
• Sprout on Demand: loves the Frances shows that fit into 15 minute time periods when Mommy needs to get something done. Also loves Sesame Street.
• Computer and YouTube videos
• Reading books with sister and Mommy
• Jumping on sister's bed (when Mommy lets them...)

Hates:

• Correction: when "isolated" as a consequence to behavior, she will hold on to the railing of her crib and jump up and down screaming about it.
• Vegetables of just about any kind. 
• Bedtime.
• Being misunderstood... tonight she threw a royal tantrum over my not realizing that when she asked for the blanket to cover up her ooey she meant her sister's empty pillowcase and not any of the other 5 blankets in the bed. 

Doing:

• plays "mommy" with her Lovey. She is so tender and sweet to that thing. She loves to cover it up with blankets and put it to bed. Loves to feed it. Enjoys teaching it to do things, like turn off the lights and turn the pages and point to things in her books.
• learning to go potty on the big girl potty. We're giving potty training another casual go this week, and she is doing better than the last time. She's very proud of herself when she stays "keen and die."
• Running, jumping (just got both feet off the floor for the first time this week!)
• Counting, recognizing some of her ABCs
• Knows body parts

Saying:

• too many words to count, many 2 and 3 word sentences. Becoming more and more understandable. 
• "I dood it!!" when she does something by herself
• "Gooh-Guh!" (good girl!) to congratulate herself on a job well done
• "PEET!!"- we are potty training after all... :)
• "Bone-air" (bow in hair, first thing in the morning, she hates having her hair in her face)
• "Sissa-Hut!" (every time we pass a Pizza Hut)
• "Y!" (loves the YMCA)
• "Hab-it" (I want to have it!)

Reading:

• Richard Scarry books
• any book with Jesus or monkeys in it
• Good Night Moon
• Little White Fish
• How Does a Dinosaur... books
• many, many others...

So there's a synopsis, as much for my memories as for your entertainment! :)

Hello, TWO!

 First morning as a big two-year-old! :)

 She was a little skeptical about the candles on her chocolate chip pancakes. Sister knew just what to do with them. :)

 Showing me "two."

 For a special birthday treat, we visited the children's museum.

 The girls had a wonderful time!

 This pic's for Nana- Carolyn can't wait to see Streaker the horse again! :)

 Bubbles are always a big hit at the museum.

Carolyn's getting pretty good at blowing them!

Still can't believe my baby is two already. So far this year, birthdays have been pretty rough for me. I hated turning 30, so let's not even talk about that... And the bitter has almost outweighed the sweet in "bittersweet" this week as Nora's turning two and still has no little sibling on the horizon. Each month it seems to get harder and harder for me to watch the days just fly by and always wonder in my heart if I'll ever get to have another one, and feel like hope fades as time goes by. I know that those are not good thoughts and not even probably true ones- rationally, there are probably lots of reasons to hope that we will again be successful... and certainly an abundance of reasons to be incredibly grateful for what we have been given- but sometimes disappointment and despair just seems to wash over me and overwhelm me with the intensity of it. I don't even really know how to write about it. It's just tough. I've wondered at times over the past few weeks even if there isn't something chemically "wrong" with me because I've been having a lot more "lows" than I used to... and I also feel a lot more isolated in the low times than I used to. For some reason I just don't feel like blogging about all the in depthness of my feelings, even though I know I'd probably feel better just sharing my journey with others. I don't feel depressed all the time- or even most of the time- but there have seemed to be more occasions than usual when I have felt that way over the past couple weeks and months. Sigh... I'm ready for this day to be over.

But enough of the weeping and wailing- I did enough of that this afternoon- and thank goodness for a friend who was gracious enough to accept an unannounced visit and take time out of her day to talk with me and pray with me until I could see the light again and pick up the pieces and move on, disappointed but no longer in despair. I did make an appointment with my doctor in March just so we can talk about what the next part of the plan might look like if we continue to struggle with this. I think that will help me feel better because she always seems to have an unemotional and hopeful way to look at things.

HBNB!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY NORA BEAN!

Seems like yesterday you looked like this.

And now you look like this.

Beautiful, beautiful girl, I love you.

Two Years Ago...

This is what I looked like! Nora was ready to be born! :) I started labor just before we were going out for "date night" at Charley's Crab... we went anyway, had a wonderful meal, timed contractions, and talked about how excited we were to meet her! 3:36am on February 8, sweet Nora was born! :) Still... cannot believe that was 2 years ago already! Where do these baby days go?!!

Monkey Party!

Today we had Nora's birthday party. Her actual birthday is on Tuesday Feb. 8, but this was the day that the most members of our family could be here. We had a great time celebrating Nora! Still, can't believe she's turning two already. Feels like a month or two ago, we were celebrating her first birthday!

It was a nice, fairly laid-back day. Ammy and Papa and Auntie Laura came for the day, and we enjoyed just hanging out together a bit in the morning, and catching up on birthday card reading (thanks Auntie Chandra :))

There was some coloring.

And some practice at showing "two."

She's getting it...

And then there was some dancing- to the "dy-on music" (aka soundtrack from How to Train Your Dragon, which I loved until I was forced to listen to it every time I got in the car!)

Nora especially loves to dance with her Lovey.

And her sister.

Carolyn, too, is a most excellent dancer.

She willingly shared her birthday crown she got from school with her sister, the birthday girl.

Nora didn't really want to keep the crown on, so Carolyn had to show her how to do it.

She kept trying to force the crown on Nora's head, saying, "It's just something that won't hurt you, Nora!"

After some lunch (hot dogs!) and then a nap and then some basement play time, the Monkey Party began.

We got some balloons for her to enjoy.

And set up every monkey in the house along with some donations from the party attendees as the centerpiece on the table.

Nora received many wonderful presents, and really did better than I expected at opening and appreciating them all. :)

She had a little help.

There were lots of great books! Just what she likes! :) And so nice for our whole family. Books are really a wonderful birthday present. You can never have too many books.

I made a special book for Nora about her special Lovey. You can see it here if you're interested:

Click here to view this photo book larger

Of course, no monkey party would be complete without a Barrel of Monkeys!

And a monkey cake. :)

Yum!

Happy birthday, Nora Bean! :)