Bright and Beautiful

Thank you friends for sweet comments and phone calls- also for not minimizing my feelings even though I know they didn't really demonstrate a lot of perspective on the many truly horrible things that other people have faced. I am feeling much better- had my good cry and my day to have a pity party and now I feel like I've bounced back from the disappointment and I'm ready to move on again. Hopefully one day not too many more months from now we will have good news to share with all of you- but I have to keep in mind that it is normal for it to take several months to conceive (even though we usually only hear about people who either got pregnant right away or tried for a really long time- not much is said about the in-betweeners). I was looking through pictures today in my basement as I was attempting to unearth my scrapbook table in preparation for this year's scrapbook event (I make a scrapbook every year for our anniversary which is coming up in June)- and I saw a bunch of Carolyn's ultrasound pictures and some photos of me when I was carrying her and it makes me really excited at the thought of having another baby one day.

But for today, I have another job to do, a different set of roles that God has given me, and one of them is being Carolyn's mama, and the best mama I can be for her, cherishing every moment we spend together. So today I took her to the butterfly exhibit at the indoor gardens near our house. It was nice to spend some time at 80 degrees in the tropical garden where all the butterflies fly around. The exhibit actually starts tomorrow, but nearly all the butterflies are already there, so it's a perfect time to visit before crowds begin to arrive. I have been to see these butterflies every year that we've lived here and each time I see them I marvel again at God's attention to detail. They are beautiful!
Carolyn liked walking around on the pathways, getting some much-needed exercise!
She especially enjoyed watching the worker release new butterflies from a box. She wanted very much to hold the box, but wasn't allowed. :)
She did not want the butterflies to get too close. We are beginning to see this face more frequently as she becomes more and more insistent about what she wants. She wanted very much to have some apple juice but it was not allowed in the garden. This fixation on apple juice dates back to Tuesday when Garrett was over and I offered her the choice between the pink juice box (fruit punch) and the yellow juice box (apple juice) and she picked the pink one, so Garrett got to have the apple juice and I haven't stopped hearing about it since... :)
She is really into "hiding" right now- anywhere she can move around she wants to play hide and seek. She says "Mama hide!" or "Mama Hount (count)" depending on which role she wants me to play in the game. She hasn't quite gotten all aspects of the game yet- she still likes to hide always in the same place! :)
She also enjoyed getting close to the butterflies (but not too close). The equipment truck behind her is the camera that the man who works there was using to take pictures for next year's promotion (who knows, maybe Carolyn will be in his video!) She was very cute, waving "hi!" to the butterfly and trying to give it kisses, while excitedly describing its colors to me. :) I love this new fascination with colors- it gives us something to talk about wherever we go. :)

Laughter and Tears

I've had an emotional couple of days. [aside: I should at least acknowledge that when I'm emotional I have a dismal lack of perspective... so if you are going through something truly harrowing in your life, you might not really want to read about how I drop into the depths of despair over my comparatively light and momentary struggles. Be forewarned.]

To make a long story short, we found out yesterday that something we wanted very much to happen didn't happen again this month. The whole disappointment affected me more than it did last time because this time I had had nearly every symptom in the book and in my heart of hearts, I really did think I was pregnant... I had so much hope; I was so excited and expectant of something so wonderful and amazing and miraculous... so thrilled at the thought of nurturing life again... and then when I wasn't... I just felt devastated. I am a strange mix of buoyancy and pessimism. My heart dreams, I float so high on my hopes... then I crash back to the earth when reality hits...

I have always resonated with this quote from Anne of Green Gables (one of my all time favorite book series) "When I think something nice is going to happen I seem to fly right up on the wings of anticipation; and then the first thing I realize I drop down to earth with a thud. But really... the flying part IS glorious as long as it lasts... it's like soaring through a sunset. I think it almost pays for the thud." Kind-hearted, stable Marilla replies "Well, maybe it does... I'd rather walk calmly along and do without both flying and thud."

How many times have I wished I could do without the "thud!" But somehow, despite my best efforts to exert control over situations in order to prevent the pain that comes with the loss of a dream... it seems to happen anyway. I guess that's just life. So I "thudded" this week. And I've been sad. But I've also been happy, too. There is so much joy and laughter and love in our home that we are so very blessed. I have never enjoyed Carolyn so much as I enjoy her now. She seems to blossom each day. And as a friend told me today, now is the time to just savor our one-on-one time together... because in all likelihood, these days are numbered and (hopefully) before we know it our home will be even fuller of life and our time more (joyfully) divided than ever. :) Enjoy the little videos I've posted today. We've found ourselves pulling the video camera out more and more the past few weeks as nothing else quite captures who Carolyn is these days. :)

Teh Teh Messy

This one may take some explaining. Every Tuesday we have my friend's little boy, Garrett, over to play. Carolyn refers to him as "Teh-Teh." She is especially fascinated by watching him eat. In this video she is telling us (again- we've heard this story many times before) about how Teh Teh was eating, Teh Teh was messy, Teh Teh was eating yogurt ("Ogers), and how Carolyn (Hee-Nah) wants some yogurt please. We are loving this new phase we're heading into where her ability to tell us how she sees the world is increasing so dramatically. Enjoy her with us!

Two Words Together

I promised I'd post a video of Carolyn's beginning efforts to put two words together. We have to chuckle at the change in inflection between words- it's so cute! :)

Feeding the Dog

I thought Carolyn was so cute yesterday as she walked back and forth to Baggins' food dish, taking one piece of food each time and setting it down on the ground for him.



He clearly brings her so much joy- I only wish the reverse were true. The past few months have been hard ones for Baggins (and us with respect to him). I'm afraid we're seriously considering finding a new home for him, mainly because we simply cannot seem to get him to stop relieving himself in the house. I could live with all his other bad habits, but this one is just the stickler. It would grieve me to say goodbye, if only for the good dog he once was... and also for the way I am sure Carolyn would miss him. But if we can find a situation where he would be well cared for and have a life more like the one he seems to want- where he's someone's one and only love- it would be wonderful to know he was going to a good home. It just may be a bit of a hard sell- it'd have to be someone reeeeallly understanding and willing to put up with a lot while he transitions. If you know anyone who fits the bill, let us know! I think he could recover into a well-behaved dog if he didn't have to contend with a toddler who rules the roost around here. He just never quite got over his jolt down the food chain.

Grocery Store Fun

I never imagined it would have worked, but I tried a new trick with Carolyn at the grocery store this week. She was getting antsy in the cart, so I let her OUT- fully expecting that she would zip away from me as soon as she had the available space to run, knocking down displays of things in glass jars that would certainly make a mess and be very expensive. But to my surprise, she didn't! She actually wanted to help me push the cart!
Someday we will get a camera that does not take blurry pictures all the time. I am frustrated with this model as I just can't seem to get it to take the right picture at the right time without making it blurry. Prior to the fender bender, we were thinking of getting a digital SLR with the rebate Uncle Sam promised us in May... but now we have to pay our insurance deductible and surely some hidden fees as well... so we will see what we have left when that's done. I love taking pictures so much that I know I would love a camera that would do justice the beautiful subject matter in front of me. :) Especially someday down the road when there is another tiny one in our house with those itty bitty fingers and toes! [That old baby bug has hit me hard again- I'm afraid if I don't have one of my own soon- well sometime in the next year or so would be nice- I might steal someone else's (heaven knows I have plenty of pregnant friends right now!) :)]
She mostly helped me grab what I needed off the shelf, but she attempted to make a few contributions of her own. Like any smart girl, she knows what to go for- chocolate! :)

Of course, as any experienced mother could have told me, this method of grocery shopping isn't for the faint of heart- or the short on time- so when I don't have time to spend twice as long in the grocery store as usual, I'll go back to my previous tactic: bring lots of cookies, talk and sing a lot, and shop really fast. :)

Results Show

The greens have it! Nine votes to six. Although I love the black dress I have to agree with the group consensus and say that Green is more Eastery. I liked one person's comment that Carolyn has the rest of her life to wear black- SO true! Although after all the drama, I think I am just going to be unable to part with the black dress... so I will be keeping it as well. I had a coupon, so it only cost me $15 anyway... a worthy $15 I think. :) Thanks for your votes and comments! I think I will do this more often! It was fun! :)

Last Day to Vote

Okay, I just wanted to give all you out there who are anxiously awaiting the Dress Votes to come in a heads up that I will be tallying them and making a decision based on your votes this evening after I get home from work. So any of you silent ones who haven't yet cast a vote, if you care, take a look at both dresses and leave your vote in the comments. I am looking forward to having someone else make this difficult decision for me. :)

Pizzah!

I think perhaps Carolyn's massive prenatal exposure to Pizza must have had an effect (I ate pizza nearly every day when I was pregnant- it was the thing that always sounded soooo good!) She loves pizza now and will nearly always choose it among any other set of choices. I think the way she says "Peezzzaahh!" in such a plaintive little voice is funny. :)

Mackoos and Kie-Koes

This week, Carolyn has become fascinated with colors. She delights in identifying the colors of whatever we're looking at. She has also fallen in love with this set of "mackoos" (markers) I bought for her (for those who wonder, I think the sweet little round animal markers she got for Christmas will be better when she is older- she doesn't seem to get the concept that she can use them to make colors on the page- she likes them better upside down and making a mess). She is only allowed to have one color (Kie-Ko) at a time, and she names them all off one by one- though often her main concern is just taking the top off and putting it back on. :) This video is longer than most, but it is very sweet and cute. :)

Boo Boo

Brad's car got a boo boo last night. :( The weather here in Michigan has been... lovely. This winter so far has been the worst one I can remember- constantly cold, snowy, and icy. The roads have been terrible and more things than I can count now have been canceled due to weather issues. I've been pretty frustrated and the house just hasn't been big enough to hold me- I am SICK of being stuck indoors! Anyway, Brad was trying to stop at a yellow light last night when the car slid on the ice and he ended up in a fender bender with a truck- which kicked his Acura's butt and busted its front bumper. :( Poor Acura! In our lovely state, the police officer has to issue a ticket if there's been an accident, even if it was clearly caused by less-than-ideal road conditions... so Brad ended up with a ticket to boot. :( He was sad. So was I.


I think Michigan is trying to kick us out. We have another year or so to make a decision about where to go for Brad to practice... my mom suggested I start another blog to document our thought process as we consider our options... I make no guarantees about how often I'll post, but I probably will occasionally.

Grammy or Mommy

I've often wondered whether it's just my imagination or Carolyn looks more like my Mom than she looks like me! And here the truth comes out! [we tried a couple times with pictures of me and Brad but it kept saying that she looks equally like both of us.] We all got a good chuckle out of this. :)

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Roots - Geneology

Preliminary Results

Wow! I think I should take a poll more often! Here are the preliminary results after 2 days of voting.

Green: 4 votes (including 1 from work last night)
Black: 6 votes (including 3 from work last night)

Brad has voted for black, I am still undecided, and Carolyn also voted for black. I held up both dresses and asked her if she liked green or black and she said "Black!" and reached for the black one. Then I switched the order and asked her if she liked black or green and she still exclaimed "Black!" I am loath to give up the green one as I do think it looks more like Easter... but it does seem as if the blacks are winning.

Remember. No one is safe. Your votes matter. One of these dresses is going to be kicked off the island and only you can save your favorite style. [veiled reference to reality TV]


PS: if you are wondering where the dresses are from, they're from my favorite store: The Children's Place! It is a wonderful place for Easter dresses because they have lots of styles and they are only $19.50 regular price (but I always bring a 15% off coupon so I got it for even less than that- it pays to be a frequent shopper :)) I happen to know that the CP marks all its pretty dresses down soon after Easter, so whichever dress does not get chosen for this year's occasion likely will end up being purchased anyway in the end. :)

Big Decision

We need your help with a big decision we're making this week! We have to decide which Easter dress to keep for Carolyn- we've narrowed it down to Black or Green. What do you think? Leave a your vote in the comments. :)

Black...
Green...
Of course, I should note that she wasn't very willing to cooperate with pictures today unless we were in the bathroom.
Especially the bathroom sink. She loves how this hat looks on her head!
So do I. :)

Little Trooper

Today was a day of recuperation. Carolyn and I both wore our comfiest clothes all day long and just focused on getting her better! She is definitely on the mend, taking in more fluids and food, breathing easier, and obviously feeling better. We should be ready to leave quarantine again soon- and I am so glad! I've started seriously considering online shopping- my weakness when shut at home for long periods of time... :) I definitely need to get out! :) Maybe I will be able to go out while she naps tomorrow... Daddy will be home. :)The doctor has prescribed albuterol via nebulizer for Carolyn, and it must be making her feel better because she was such a good girl for me today every time we had to do it! I put on the Veggie Tales DVD I got (we don't watch much TV with her yet- but when we put it on, it works!) and let her watch Bob and Larry (she calls it "Hey Bob!") dance and sing while she takes the medicine. On another note, although the medicine is working to help Carolyn breathe better, it is also causing a major amount of "wiredness!" She was up for 2 hours after I put her to bed- crying, exhausted, but unable to sleep. I felt so bad for her and didn't know what to do- let her cry or let her get up and deal with the inevitable consequence of her coming to the understanding that bedtime i snot really bedtime. :( I think we will skip the bedtime treatment tomorrow night unless she really really needs it!
It only took once for her to learn what came next- every other time I did it today, as soon as we got the mask off her face, she immediately said "Ems! Ems!" She gets to have bitty little M&Ms at her table after she's done with the breathing treatment. I'm definitely learning the value of a good bribe. :) Carolyn loves to tell me all about the colors of the M&Ms- she can say almost all the color names now and can recognize them all! :)
She is definitely feeling better- well enough to be pretty insistent again! She's learned that she likes drinking from a straw, so every time I've handed her a sippy cup today, she's tried to take the top off, saying "Oppo! Help! Draw!" ("help me open this please mommy and give me a straw!") When I give her the straw, she complains if it is not pink!That's my girly girl.

Eating and drinking went better today than yesterday, but her intake is still drastically reduced. For the past couple days since her appetite has been so poor and she's not been drinking as much as she needs to, I've really tried hard to get her to eat and drink- even unto allowing cookies or ice cream to serve as a meal! Obviously, this is not an all-service junk food diner, so this will not work for regular life- so as she's started to get stronger, I'm having to reinforce some limits with her... which hasn't been so much fun...

Update

Thank you for your sweet comments! I love comments! :)

I took Carolyn to the Dr. today because she just seemed as bad this morning as she had last night. They diagnosed her with bronchiolitis, most likely caused by RSV (I did not want her to have the diagnostic nasal swab which would have told us for sure it was RSV but wouldn't have made any difference in her treatment and would have caused her unnecessary pain). Her oxygen saturation was still 95% so that's good (they told me normal is over 96 and not so good is below 90) so she didn't need really intensive treatment, but they did a breathing treatment for her in the office and the doctor said it helped her lungs sound better, so they ordered a home nebulizer and some albuterol for us to use to help open her up so she won't be so tight and have so much trouble.

I had to work today so Carolyn stayed with Nana and when I dropped her off, she was so droopy and still had a fever close to 102, but when I called a few hours later, Nana said the Motrin had kicked the fever, and Carolyn had woken up in great spirits and ready to play. She's been drinking and eating more today so hopefully she is regaining some of her reserves. At the moment she is in her bed yapping to herself and not sleeping. :) I was told by the medical assistant at my doctor's office that the "steroid" they gave her might make her jumpy. Hmmmm... the pharmacist in me shivered that this woman is allowed to give medical advice... albuterol is most definitely NOT a steroid. :)

Anyway, I am so thankful that she is feeling more like herself. Tonight was the first night all week she hasn't spiked a fever! So I think we're on the mend. Thank you for your prayers!

Sickness

Poor Carolyn has not been feeling well this week. :( We think she has RSV and possibly a secondary ear infection. She's been running a fever since Saturday and her respiratory symptoms have gotten progressively worse over the week. Tuesday afternoon, she actually sat in my lap like this for about 2 hours, just watching TV; it was all she was up to doing and every time I tried to get up, she started crying. Poor kid. We started her on some amoxicillin on Tuesday and at first she seemed to be feeling better on Wednesday... but by Wednesday night, she spiked another fever and started wheezing with her coughs and breathing really fast. It's a good thing I'm married to a doctor because I would have taken her to urgent care... but he assessed her and decided that although she was breathing fast, she wasn't struggling to breathe, so she was okay through the night. She didn't eat or drink much yesterday- not even when cookies, cake, and ice cream were offered! I hope she is more willing to take more in today because this illness has really sapped her strength. If you think of us, pray that she would be well soon! It's so hard to see her feeling so sick!

Doddy Chair

Lately we've been having to begin disciplining Carolyn as she has been increasingly "testing" the limits- really, she's asking us to be firm and show her what is acceptable and what isn't. The past week or so we've really been working on the basics- not hitting! Although we don't exclude spanking from the arsenal of disciplinary tools, we thought we'd start with "time outs" at this age and see if she responds. So the "Naughty Chair" has become a new fixture in our living room. :) Yesterday we were snowed in (AGAIN!) and Carolyn has not been feeling her best... resulting in several infractions of the "no hitting" rule, and as many trips to the Naughty Chair (Carolyn calls it "Doddy"). Last night while we were videotaping some random toddler moments, Carolyn showed us that she really does understand! Check this out!!



PS: I do have some more videos to post soon but today I work so those of you waiting for documentation of Carolyn's new 2-word sentences will have to wait a bit longer. :) This one was easier to post because I didn't have to edit it much! :)

Two Words!

Just in the last couple days, something must have clicked in Carolyn's mind and she is beginning to put two words together to form sentences! This morning I was sitting on a bar stool looking at something on the computer when Carolyn came up beside me, pulled on my jeans, and said "Need Up!" She LOOOOVES to look at the computer- especially pictures and videos of "Hey-Nah" and also some Youtube videos Grammy and Papa introduced her to. :)

Later tonight after dinner, we were sitting around just watching her, and marveling at how her language is progressing. She is such a little chatterbox! She had a fun time with a new sentence tonight- "Mommy Off!" She loves to climb on our dining room chairs and I needed to get off so she could get on! She must have said "Mommy Off" about fifty times (with a few "Daddy Off"'s thrown in there :)) She says it so funny, too- with a strange change in inflection between the two words, as if to underscore the difference between them.

Everyday Happenings

I have been pleased to have a little kitchen helper quite a bit lately. Carolyn loves to "ook! ook!" at what I'm doing and "hep" me in any way I can devise that isn't dangerous or tooooo messy. Here we are making biscuits for a chicken pot pie. She especially liked pouring things into the bowl and grabbing bits of dough and plopping them on top of the casserole. :)
We had to evacuate our house on Sunday night because the power went out for several hours and it was starting to get dark and cold! Thankfully, Nana and Papa live close by and we could spend the night there. Also, they have the best back yard for winter fun. There was lots of snow to tromp around in! Carolyn's favorite thing is to walk in the "deep so." :)
A rare picture of Carolyn and Nana together. :)
Today we had Garrett (Teh-Teh) over to play. I let the kids help me put the noodles in the pan for the soup I was making. I was surprised how long it kept them amused, just taking noodles out of the box and putting them into the pan! :)
I don't normally post pictures of Carolyn with Pipe in Mouth because I think her face looks so much nicer without it, but I loved everything else about this picture. Carolyn now sleeps with not one, but three "bots." There's the "peek" one, the "onge" one, and the "baby" one. And one of them is referred to as "bee-bot." I'm still not 100% sure which one it is (I think it is the orange one), but Carolyn greets "bee-bot" with enthusiasm when she is placed in her crib.

Chicago Whirlwind/Snowstorm :)

Yesterday we decided to take the train in and out of Chicago for a day with Auntie Em- leaving early in the morning yesterday and coming back late at night last night. We were scheduled to have about 4 or 5 hours in Chicago to visit with Michelle. In theory, this would have been a little crazy, but do-able... but in real life, with ice, blizzards, strollers, diaper bags, train delays, and a hungry, overtired toddler, it turned out to be a lesson in trying a little harder not to bite off more than I can chew. :) I think next time we will come back when we have a little longer to spend! :)
The train ride in to Chicago was a pretty fun time. Auntie Laura came along for the day (without her, I'm pretty sure I would not have made it home in one piece!) and Carolyn loved the freedom to walk around the train and look out the windows. The train was a little late, but it was SO much better than the drive, especially in the weather we've been having lately!
Carolyn was very excited to see Uncle Bryan and Auntie Em. :) We had a lovely lunch at Cosi, a sandwich sensation that has yet to sweep through Grand Rapids- but really should!
In keeping with our ambitious plans for the day, we decided to go to the Brookfield Zoo, which was having a Free Day yesterday... would have been a bit more fun with a bit less snow! :)
But we went from inside exhibit to inside exhibit, and the primate building was particularly good- and all inside! We also saw a dolphin show, which Carolyn really enjoyed. Uncle Bryan took his role as Baby Carrier very seriously- held her up so she could see all the animals. She loved the monkeys especially.

There's a lot to do at this zoo- I am sure we will be back! This summer, she will still be Free, so I am already working on plans for a trip to the children's zoo there when it warms up. There's a lot to see, and so much room to run and play. She would love it!
Me and My Sisters- more than sisters, also the best of friends. :)

I must admit, it was very long day... especially the ride back with a toddler who had only slept 20 minutes all day and who ended up eating crackers, dried fruit, chocolate, and cookies for dinner because that was all we had with us and we didn't have enough time when we got to the train station to get anything "real" to eat! She did no sleeping on the train, but instead "entertained" those around us with a constant request to "git-down" and various monkey impressions. :) We returned home to yet another snow storm and were able to get home safely by God's grace alone because I was so sleepy and tired after the day that it was all I could to to stay awake and on the road! We were glad to get home!! We'll be back again soon, when the weather improves! :)