Guess Who's HOME?!

God surely heard many prayers for this little guy over the past few weeks. There were some really scary moments for my friend's family, but they got to bring their son HOME this week!! What a testimony to God's grace and provision. It makes my heart happy to see this picture of him being kissed and hugged by his mommy and daddy. According to Mindy's recent updates on her carepages, Liam is doing quite well. His incision is starting to heal and they are beginning to work on his feeding skills with an occupational therapist. For now, he just gets to grow and soak up all that love, and in a few months, they will re-evaluate to see if his little heart is ready for the surgery that didn't take the first time. We're especially praying for great growth in his pulmonary veins so that blood flow can be what it's supposed to be when they go in and try to remodel his heart again!

Balance

I've found myself thinking a lot lately about balance. It's one of the hardest things to figure out as a mom. Your whole identity seems to shift when that tiny little baby is born, utterly dependent on you for everything- and suddenly you are more than just a single entity or even a joined unit with your husband- you become a centrality in someone else's life- sort of like the sun on whom all the planets depend for light and warmth and direction. Pretty soon there are more little planets and you at the center, and if you're like me and most women, there are plenty of other "space rocks" orbiting around- other roles in life, parts of who you used to be before having children, parts of who you're trying to become as a woman and a follower of Christ. Sometimes it makes me feel dizzy to see all the little things spinning around and around me and I wonder how long it will be before I drop something.

A friend of mine has reminded me recently just of the brevity of life, the way our days are like the grass, here for a moment and gone just as quickly. It makes me think and consider what are the things that really matter. What are the things I do because I really need to do them, and what things do I do because I just feel like I have to or because I've always done them? I think I'm doing an okay job living my days to the fullest- but am I settling for okay when there could be a "better" or "best" situation out there?

My mother likes to say that whenever you say "yes" to one thing you say "no" to something else. I've been contemplating a lot over the past few weeks my "yeses" and their corresponding "nos." Sometimes I have the feeling that I'm a little out of balance, overextended, and not giving the best of myself in the places where it belongs. I want so much at the end of these crucial years of my girls' childhoods to look back without regrets, to know that I enjoyed and taught and loved and played with them with the very best that I have. And I'm feeling a bit lately like there are some things getting in the way... and I wonder how to reorganize all my "space junk" to make sure that the things that matter most stay central and the things that really are not essential are the ones that get the ax when something has to go.

I suppose this is sort of a cryptic post that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but suffice it to say that I feel like change is on the way for our family. I don't know what it will look like and I'm kind of scared of some of the possibilities... but I want to be open to what the Lord has for our family, and I'm praying that He'll make His voice really clear. I don't want to miss this!

Swept Away

Wednesday night when I went to bed there was an open suitcase on my bed with my nicest dress already packed and ready... my husband swept me away for a surprise overnight date together! It was my Christmas present; he's been cogitating and planning for months, and it was AWESOME. I'd known that we'd be going somewhere sometime but I just didn't know where or when. My parents showed up "unexpectedly" to watch the girls, and we were off on Thursday afternoon (hence, no blog :))

From some hints he let slip, I'd concluded we were going to Chicago for a nice dinner and hotel stay and possibly a show or something. I was so surprised when we went the "wrong" way on the highway and ended up, of all places, in Kalamazoo! I didn't know there was anything interesting to do in Kalamazoo- it was the last place I'd expected him to take me. But the night was full of surprises and fun. :) He'd booked a jacuzzi suite in the nicest hotel in town and made reservations at the nice steakhouse there. We had a wonderful dinner together and even took leftover dessert back to our room for a midnight snack for later. It was so good!

After dinner we did something I've been wanting to do for years! A friend in high school introduced me to the Broadway version of Beauty and the Beast and I've been listening to the CD for 10 years now but had never seen the show. I love the music because of the intricacy of the different themes of the show weaved in and out of all the songs. I've always loved the story and I've always wanted to actually see it. And last night, I did!! We had great seats and I just drank it all in. It was wonderful!!

After the show, we went back to the hotel and feasted on our leftovers while relaxing and watching the figure skating on TV. We slept great and woke up refreshed and with still several hours pager- and kiddo-free! We had a nice slow breakfast and morning together and then headed back toward home, stopping on the way to see the movie Avatar in 3D. It was AWESOME!

It was SUCH a nice break away from everything- home, work, kids, patients. It was so nice to just be "us" for a brief spell. We had lots of time to talk and share and reconnect in a deeper way than is even really possible in an evening out. We both agreed we should do this more often! We really hardly ever leave the kids overnight. We went on a cruise 2 years ago but I don't think we've left them since then. We're planning another voyage in September, but it would really be good for us to take the opportunity to have more of these little "islands" of time together rather than just waiting to do something "big" every few years... All in all, a wonderful time together, and a wonderful encouragement for both of us. Nice to remember, I'm still married to my best friend!
And of course, nothing beats coming home again after being away. My girls gave me a warm welcome, and even Nora didn't miss a beat. :) She was glad to see me, too. She's perfecting her walking skills and she gets better and better every day!! She took several steps toward me when I came home and my big one just bounced up and down on my lap, thrilled to pieces that I'd come home. It's nice to be so loved. :)

Not my day job.

It doesn't exactly pay the bills, but I've been doing a lot of work lately on this little side business. I have yet to really get my Etsy site where I want it to be since it's kind of labor intensive to post stuff, but I've been working quite a bit on the side for friends and stuff and thoroughly enjoying it. One thing I've been developing is a sort of "gift set" of clips for baby showers and birthday parties for little girls. I really liked how these came out!

Each one has 4 pairs of clips and comes with a hanger topped with a cute crochet flower. This one has just the alligator style clips for older kids or babies with a lot of hair. But I can do them with the itty bitty clips for finer hair, too. I've just fallen in love with buttons in my clips. I think it gives them a unique look.

You can hang these in the closet so the clips are close to the clothes. :) For this order I made 3 separate strings. I like how they came out! If you know anyone who needs one of these, I am selling them for $18 ($2 for each clip and the hanger).

Da-Da

Nora has another new word- "Da-Da!!" She's been making the sounds for a long time now, but this week she seems to have begun attaching meaning to them. She saw a picture of Daddy and her eyes just lit up and she said "DA-DA!!!" She said it again when he came home from work. :) Now we're just waiting for the next big one- MAMA!!! :)

The picture above is Nora's somewhat belated birthday picture with Daddy. :) It will be fun to see her grow through the years next to him. :) She looks so tiny now, but it won't be long before she shoots right up!

Scared.

I am seriously scared to take them away from this kid. We had such a HORRIBLE experience with the removal of the Pipes from Carolyn's life that I am determined to learn from it and not have the same problem this time. Seriously, Carolyn's pipes have been gone for almost a year, she doesn't even remember she ever had them, but the beginnings of all the sleep problems we've had for the last almost year have stemmed from the loss of the pipes. If I had had any idea how much they really meant to her I would never have taken them away. It just isn't really worth it. Who cares about funky looking teeth! But once we committed to the path of taking them away, we had to see it through.

And now here I am with another child falling in love with her pipes. Nora wasn't as attached to them as an infant, but she is growing in her love for them now. I have been thinking that soon-ish would probably be the best time to get rid of them, not so much because I am so anxious for them to go (I'm not in a hurry for her to grow up!), but because I want to spare her the horrible experience that she might have in the future if she has to give them up when she is three, like Carolyn did. I don't want her to attach to them to the point that she does not know how to soothe herself any other way. My mom always said to take them away before 15 months or the next "exit" on that road is a looong time down there. And of course it rings with a sense of truth... at this age, Nora is still capable of attaching to something else (like her beloved lovey) to use for self-soothing. By the time Carolyn lost the pipes, she didn't have anything to fall back on and really was past the point of developing deep attachments to security objects. I don't want Nora to have to go through all that, so I have been contemplating pulling the plug in the next few weeks.

But I am scared! I gave it a trial run the other day and just casually didn't put them in her crib at naptime. I just wanted to see how much trouble it was likely to be when they had to go... after thirty minutes of high velocity screaming, I returned the pipe, accepted Nora's angry looks, and relished the silence of the room as she drifted off to sleep. I know now that it will be a battle. And before every battle, you should count the cost and carefully plan your strategy. No major battle should ever be fought without considerable preparation and foresight. And so I'm mentally preparing myself for what's to come... and wishing it didn't need to happen so soon!

Things That Matter

Since part of the purpose of this blog is to have a place to record the weird things that make up these days that are so rapidly speeding by us... I want to remind myself to remember some of the things that matter most to Carolyn just now. She can be so funny!

Three-year-olds can be so particular! Or maybe it's just MY three year old! She likes to have things just "so." But not everything, just some things. Here are some things that just "have" to be "right" in her world. You may notice that most of them (well, all of them) have to do with clothing choices. I'm laughing as I write them but every one of these has triggered at least one not-fun moment in the last few weeks!

-Buttons- if she had her way, every shirt she wears every day would have a button.

-Colors- shirts and pants have to match (in her mind). Although I think pink looks great with brown, she disagrees and disputes me most passionately when I force the issue.

-The color Pink in particular- whenever I ask her to put something on that is not pink, her lower lip begins to tremble... and she says in a barely-together voice- "but ____ isn't my favorite color!!"

-Pants- the length of the pants has to be right. She does not like to wear pants that she considers too long. There are three pairs of pants in her drawer that she feels are too long for her. I keep them in there because her legs are growing so quickly that they will soon fit.

-Jeans- we have currently given up on blue jeans because they are simply not worth the fuss that she makes when we try to make her wear them. I can't really blame her there. I'd rather spend my time each day wearing leggings and sweatpants, too. :)

-Socks- the socks really have to match (in her way of thinking) the outfit. They should, ideally, be pink. Also, in a perfect world, every pair of socks should have a ruffle, though this is a negotiable term. Brown socks in general are not preferred.

-Socks and Blanket- it has caused considerable disruption in our home over the past several weeks that the socks chosen by Mommy or Daddy for Carolyn to wear to bed do not "match" Carolyn's current favorite blanket. I think this is an attempt to maintain control however she can, but she wails most piteously when she is given socks to wear that do not (in her mind) "go" with the blanket.

Many people probably think that the power struggles would resolve if we would just let her make all these decisions for herself, but we believe that, ironically, it is the overabundance of choices in her life up to now that has caused Carolyn to be so difficult when she is not the one making the choices, and as a family we have decided that Mommy and Daddy will be making most of the choices for now, not to punish the children, but to teach them the incredibly valuable life lesson of how to handle it when someone else chooses for you, how to submit gracefully and to learn the ability to respect authority. Learning those lessons starts in the really small things... and I have to just remember in those moments when it would just be easier to let her make all the choices because frankly I don't really care which shirt she wears... that the deeper life lesson is far more important than the actual issue at hand. And lest you think that we are creating a totally controlling home for our child to grow up in, let me say that the ultimate purpose in restricting freedoms for a time is that we would be able to continually open them back up as our children grow in their ability to handle them- and we will know that they are ready for their own choices when they have demonstrated the humility and patience and self-control necessary to submit even when the choice is not theirs to make. It's a process... a process... a process....

Funny Carolyn

Today Brad took Carolyn to the children's museum for a Daddy/daughter date. On the way there, they were getting on the highway, and Carolyn started talking about how FAST Daddy's car can go (it's quite a bit zippier than my trusty Volvo). Daddy chose to take the opportunity to impart some moral wisdom and told her that yes, they were going fast, but they were still going to go within the rules of the road and not go too fast because if they go too fast, the policeman could pull him over and give him a ticket. Carolyn said "That'd be GREAT! Then we can go to Disneyland!" Daddy corrected her thinking by comparing getting a ticket to having someone take all your toys away because you were naughty. Later on, we all hopped in the car after going out for dinner, and Carolyn felt the need to remind Daddy not to drive too fast or he would get a ticket!

Another thing I want to remember about Carolyn is how lately she wants me to stay in her room after lights-out just to talk to her. Invariably, she requests the same story about her own self. She wants to hear about the Laughing Horse. It's really not a very funny or involved story, but Carolyn loves it because it is about her own self and I will record it here because its daily recital is becoming part of our life and I want to remember! About 2 years ago, when she was 18 months old, her Uncle Kerry got her this goofy stuffed horse that shakes with maniacal laughter when you push a button. Everyone else in the room thought it was kind of funny but Carolyn was terrified. She ran away screaming and crying. Every time we tried to bring it out again the same thing happened. Finally, we took it home, wrote a thank-you note and put the thing high up in the coat closet that we rarely open. We thought Carolyn had forgotten about it but one day she saw it up in the closet like a year later and still ran away screaming. But something must have happened in the process of becoming a big sister because several months ago when we got it out for Nora to play with it, suddenly Carolyn thought it was funny! And now she wants to hear all about it every... single... day... :)

EYES!

Doesn't Carolyn have the most beautiful eyes? I don't know how to enhance the eyes in pictures so this is really what they look like! They never can quite decide what color to be. Not quite blue. Not really just grey. Not totally green either. Not really brown at all. Nora's eyes can't decide really either, but they are quite a bit darker than Carolyn's and I think that in the end, the obvious genetics will win out in her case- two parents with brown eyes, three grandparents with brown eyes, all biological aunts and uncles with brown eyes. It seems really odd that we would have even one child with a different color, let alone two!

My Girls

Today I had a nice, quiet day at home with my girls. We ALL really needed it!! It was so nice to catch up on some of the housework and just spend some time together. Another great reminder that there's no place like home, and as much as I do like what I do professionally, there's no place else I'd rather be than home with these two sweet ones. What a tremendous blessing and privilege to get to give the very best of myself for them!

Tonight I want to spend some time with my husband who I haven't really seen for the past few days, so I'll let tonight's post just be some pictures I've taken lately of the precious ones. :)

This one doesn't care for having her picture taken... but I was experimenting with the new "purse" camera I recently bought. I can't believe how cheap point and shoot cameras have gotten for something that actually does take good pictures!
I'm starting to understand her a little bit better and be able to pick better moments for pictures. :) I love what a big girl she is starting to look like! She's had such a growth spurt in the past couple months and stretched all out. She looks so much taller and even her size 4 pants are starting to look "just right" and will soon become too short!
Ammy, I believe she was calling you in this picture. :)
Nora's first experience with Cool Whip and strawberries. It was a hit. :)
And this is the cheerful face I get to see every morning when I come to rescue her from confinement. :) She is always so delighted to see me! I don't know if you other mothers have had this experience, but I have never felt more beautiful than I do when I see my children look at me like this, like I'm the most wonderful thing that ever happened to them. I know I should savor these moments to sustain me in the days ahead when I will decidedly NOT be so attractive to them... it is such a joy to see reflected in their eyes a more perfect, more wonderful, more beautiful person than I could ever possibly really be... motherhood certainly has its perks sometimes! :)

Late Night

It was a late night at our house last night... and not exactly my proudest parenting moment...

Long story short, Carolyn threw a massive fit and screamed at top velocity for over an hour. The only thing that finally broke her out of it was when we stripped off all her clothes and put her in the shower! We were totally surprised that it actually worked, but within seconds after getting wet, the fit was OVER, she was ready to submit and went quietly to bed. We were pretty desperate for something to do in that moment when nothing was working- and the shower DID work and didn't really hurt her... Still, I'm not sure whether I'd utilize that particular method of correction again... like I said, not my proudest parenting moment.

It seems like tonight may be a wonderful repeat performance; she went to bed with "angry eyes" and the yelling has already started... sigh... I'm so tired of this!! I think I know where the difficult behavior is coming from- our life has been so topsy turvy lately and a lot of our regular schedule has gone out the window. She's been at "school" yesterday and today and she gets a lot of stimulation and not a lot of sleep while she's there... so she's overtired, overstimulated, and feeling a little insecure since Mommy's been at work six out of the last eight days! I generally love my job (most of the time), and there have been some very good reasons for me to be picking up extra hours to help others out- but it really does wreak havoc on my family and the state of my house when I do that!

So here we are, my brain so fried from working almost 10 hours today and then going straight to church to fulfill our commitment to the AWANA kids there and finally just now getting home and having a chance to rest. I'm totally beat, and excited for my big Jacuzzi bathtub with the jets! I've earned it today!

Coloring

This week Nora tried coloring for the first time. She has been fascinated with Carolyn's art station and the tempting supply of markers, crayons, pencils and other non-baby/toddler-appropriate items for months. She had so much fun when I finally sat down with her and let her play with some of the markers.

I think it made her feel like such a big girl.

Of course she couldn't quite reconcile the competing desires to both scribble with and taste the markers, and I couldn't quite manage to keep the marker completely out of her mouth, so she ended up eating some yellow ink... but really, who cares. She had fun (and of course it't nontoxic).

I think she will be walking within a matter of days or maybe a week or two at the most. She is so steady now on her feet and can stand alone for several seconds. She seems to be working hard to figure it out in her mind and I know it can't be long before this translates into her little body! I love watching her begin to get it! I'm so proud. :)

Also, her current word count is up to three: she says "hi," "izzat?," and "yeah."

Spread Too Thin

Anyone else know the feeling of being scraped out over so many things that you just feel like nothing is getting done well? I've been picking up some extra hours at work and even though it doesn't seem like it should be such a big deal- after all, it's just an extra day here or there... combined with all the birthday festivities, it's really thrown our family life off for the past couple weeks.

The concept and practical application of Balance is one of those repetitious life lessons that I have had to re-learn over and over and over again. When I was a teenager, I'd throw myself into just ONE thing, or ONE relationship to the exclusion of all else. Now that I'm a grown-up (I'm pushing thirty, I'd better admit it now!) and a mom and a hundred other things besides- I struggle most with committing myself to TOO MANY things. I get so excited about the possibilities associated with all the wonderful things that my practical side gets drowned out and I fail to recognize that it is impossible to do them all until I'm halfway through everything and wanting to pull my hair out because nothing is getting done well.

It can be confession time today. You can all see that I do not have it all together and you can even be glad that you're not as bad off as I am! Our week typically consists of church on Sundays, two Kindermusik classes for the girls on 2 separate evenings, our Growing Kids class, helping with AWANA Sparks, a dance class, a playgroup, one full-time-plus job with at-home call, and one part-time job (that is anything but stress-free lately!); also I have a home craft business, a blog, and an insomnia problem! Just the basic "skeleton" of our week is just WAY TOO FULL. And yet I struggle when I think of how I could slim it down. Which things could I give up? I'm already committed; others are counting on me. What can I do? Somehow I've got to get this figured out. I've got to simplify my life so that I can give the best of myself to the things that REALLY matter.

We have learned some really wonderful tools in our parenting class. But one of the most important things we've learned is that we MUST be deliberate in our parenting. Being a good parent and building a solid family structure that will hold when the storms of teenage hormones and emotions hit one day is not something that you can do well "in the cracks" of an over-full life. It is a job that demands your very best: hours of prayer and training in "non-conflict" time. Some of the most important things we should be doing in these all-important days while our children are still young are not things that can really go on during the inevitable conflicts that occur throughout the day. Most people do most of their parenting in response and in the context of conflict. But the ideal time for children to learn is when their hearts are more open and responsive, less defensive than they naturally are when they are being corrected.

Sure, they need the correction- but equally important, they need to know and internalize the values BEHIND the correction. Why do we do what we do? What is our motivation for right behavior? If they do not capture this from us, where will they be when someday they have a choice to make and no mommy or daddy standing behind them to tell them what to do? Where will they go for direction if their "moral warehouse" is not full of the values that are true and right and pure and good?

I know all this. We have spent the last four months working through a parenting structure that is Biblical, effective, and provides that very structure for our family... and yet the other things in my life are threatening to crowd out my ability to apply it! Something needs to give- but I don't know what and I don't know how. But I do know that it cannot be this: it cannot be the all-important task of training our children in righteousness. Because there is no job more important than this.

"Pushing" Big Sister

Our laugh of the day today was watching Nora "push" her big sister around on the school bus. She was so delighted to be the one pushing that she didn't really notice that Carolyn was providing most of the forward motion. Nora's little feet are becoming steadier and she kept up pretty well even with Carolyn pushing off the ground rather enthusiastically.

There were a lot of really fun things about having just 1 child... but there are some other really fun things about having 2 and one of them is watching them together. Nora has a whole dimension of relationship that Carolyn never had at this age; it's really fun to watch their relationship grow. Carolyn has given Nora her first sister nickname... for the past several days she has been calling her "Nore." :) I have to smile because my poor sister had so many nicknames thanks to her older sisters... and Nora's life of nicknames is just beginning! :)

My Note

One of the things they emphasize in the "Growing Kids" parenting class we've been taking is the importance of the father's encouragement in the life of the child. So one of Brad's jobs is to write Carolyn (and Nora when she is old enough) little notes on a regular basis to lift her up and remind her that Daddy's her biggest cheerleader and the head of our home. It's really interesting and neat to see how much of an impact this has even on one so young. The days she gets notes from Daddy she seems so excited about it! For days after she gets one of these notes, one of the first questions she asks me is if there's a note from Daddy by her breakfast plate! Today was a "note day" and as if to prove the point of how much it really does touch her, tonight, she wrote me my very own note, pictured above. I asked her what it says, and she said she wrote "Mommy, Be a good girl! Love, Carolyn." It's cool to see her transfer the concept- to take something like what Daddy writes to her and change the author, subject, and addressee so seamlessly like that without any help! Cool!

Liam is off the vent!

This was from my friend Mindy this evening on her carepages. Liam has been doing great since his most recent surgery, and though he will likely need another surgery in a few months, it's looking like he's gonna pull through this time! :)

Yay!! Liam has had such a great day. When we got there for rounds in the morning his vent setting had been turned way down and they said they were ready to sprint him on the vent. He did one sprint and 9 and he did great. They sprinted him again at 1 and he did pefect again so they just took him off the vent. And he is doing so much better this time around off the vent than after his first surgery. After that surgery, he had to be on 6 or 7 liters of oxygen on high-flow and now he is on 1/2 a liter on the regular nasal canula! And he looks so much better with that tube gone. Afterwards he opened his eyes and looked and me and even gave me a few SMILES before going back to sleep! He looks like my baby again. Soooo happy!!!!

And we got a look at his sternal incision today. And it is not pretty. Worse than I would have thought even though we were prepared for it. But that's only cosmetic and we can deal with that. I'm just so happy that he is making such great progress!

We have to wait 6 hours to start his feeding back up after his extubation and then we can get him eating again and transitioning his IV meds over to oral and work on getting him home!!!!!

The Bean

So, our Nora Bean is ONE now. Still seems so unreal that a whole year has passed! But still... we had her 12-month appointment with the pediatrician on Tuesday. She is still SO tiny!! Only 17 pounds, 6 ounces and 27.5 inches long. She is still hovering on the edge of the growth chart in the 4th percentile! I guess they technically term it "failure to thrive" if they hit below 3%, and I was sort of worried about it, but the great doctor that we have really eased my mind about it. He said he is not concerned at all about her weight because it makes sense given the size of (at least one of) her parents. She is eating now, quite well, actually, but she is so very ACTIVE that I think she just blasts through all her calories! She is meeting or exceeding all developmental expectations and even though she's not as rolly polly as her sister was at this age (Carolyn was bout 3 pounds heavier at a year!), she still looks far from malnourished. So anyway, all's well there.

The doctor thinks it's okay for us to turn her car seat around because she's over 1 and he says it has more to do with neck strength than weight. But I think we will leave her rear-facing for now since she's still pretty content and all the latest evidence is that kids are safer rear-facing for as long as possible.

Nora now has two words: she says "HI!" to anyone she comes in contact with (the people at her "school" say she's the designated greeter for anyone who comes in the room), and now she also says "PIZZAT?!" and points at anything and everything. She wants to know what it all is. This age is so cool because you can really see the wheels starting to turn and the lights beginning to go on. I'm excited to hear her begin to speak so we have a clue what's going on in her mind!

She is ALMOST ready to take those first steps. She can stand alone for a few seconds without falling (if she doesn't realize she's doing it), and daily she seems to gain in balance and strength. She can walk with ease around furniture or while holding hands- I haven't been able to get a picture yet, but Carolyn likes to help her sister walk and it's obscenely cute. :)

And so that's the update on the Bean. Time for bed for me now!!

The Bus

Thank you all for your sweet comments and I'm sure Mindy would be thankful to hear that so many are praying for her precious son. She hasn't posted on her Carepages today, but on Facebook she said "LB is out of surgery!! No more surprises from the little man. Oh the lectures he is going to get from me when he us older ;)" earlier this afternoon, so I think for now he is doing okay. I'm still asking all the questions, but I feel more at peace without the answers today. Thanks again for being such a supportive community! I love being part of the blog world!

Anywho, I worked a long day today, and I have two more coming up the next 2 days, so I'll make the rest of this short and simple for tonight and tell you all about Nora's birthday presents (ah, the minutia of my life! How exciting for you all to read about it!) :)

Nora, being the little princess that she is, was of course showered with gifts to celebrate the momentous occasion of turning ONE. She received adorable outfits, fun and much-enjoyed books, a set of blocks from Mommy and Daddy and some funny little shaker men from Carolyn, but this gift was the one that really hit her right at the right place developmentally this time!

She loves this school bus push/ride toy from Nana and Papa!

Her sister loves pushing her on it (with plenty of adult supervision of course) and she likes to hold the handle like she's steering a car. :) All in good time, Nora, all in good time!

She is getting SO close to those first steps!! She will walk around things sometimes just holding on with one hand and she is growing daily in balance, strength, and confidence. She loves pushing this thing around, and most especially, pushing all the buttons that make it make noise! The button that makes the horn sound is a special favorite. :) What a great toy- lots of fun ways to play with it! Great idea. :)

Heavy

I have some pictures to post, some cute stories to tell about my kids, a new purse camera that I really like and an adorable case to go with it... but I just don't feel like talking about any of that tonight.

Tonight my heart is heavy for my friend, Liam's mom. If you have been reading her Carepages, you know that this week has been an emotional roller coaster for her. Last Thursday they didn't think he'd make it through the day, but he did. His condition improved and they were able to correct the problem that had caused him to go downhill. He continued to improve and they were talking about weaning vent settings and pressors and possibly discharge in a couple weeks. Today the news wasn't so great. The heart problem he has is a complicated one that I don't fully understand, and the procedures to fix it are complex in the extreme, so I don't really completely "get" it, but from what I gathered from Mindy's post tonight, the procedure doesn't look like it's working the way they want it to.

They basically tried to rewire his heart to pump differently from a normal heart, but in his case, more efficiently. But because of some of the post-surgical complications, his body has tried to compensate by doing some rewiring of its own, which has opposed the good work the doctors did. Now they have to go back in tomorrow morning and revamp the surgery and basically downgrade what they were able to do the first time. This doesn't necessarily mean that he is out of options, but it isn't really a good thing since the heart remodeling is really essential for kids with this heart defect to be able to survive. The only other real option is a heart transplant, and they aren't sure if they want to put Liam through that. Such a hard, heartbreaking decision to have to make- and I hope they never have to make it!

Reading Mindy's post tonight just broke my heart. You all need to get on your knees and pray for this sweet woman who's had just about all anyone could really take. She was able to extend her leave from work another week, but she says she'll have to go back to work next week, and the part of her post that made me the saddest was her saying that she was afraid she'd never see her sweet baby boy outside the hospital again. It just makes me ache for her mommy's heart.

And it makes me ask all the old questions again. The why's that always get me in trouble. Why my friend? Why not me- why not me- YET? When I hear of terrible things happening to people I know it makes me feel so vulnerable- what could be just down the road on my own path? Could I survive something like that? Could God still be good if he allowed it? From the cerebral part of my faith, I have to say YES, because the Bible clearly portrays Him as a loving God with good plans for us. But with the doubting portion of my breakable human heart... in the dark when everything seems scariest... there's a part of me that always wonders how He solves the age-old riddle of why bad things happen to good people. Thankfully, my faith is founded on something more solid than my fickle emotions- God IS good, He IS faithful, He IS powerful, and we can take that to the bank- even if we wonder sometimes HOW that can be true, we can believe that it is. And tonight, I'm remembering that we also serve a God of miracles, of signs and wonders, of power and love beyond our ability to imagine- and I'm before Him now, praying for this little one and his mother, father, and many who love him.

Nora's is ONE!

Today is Nora's first birthday!! I cannot believe, it but a whole year has gone by since I snuggled a tiny bundle against my chest and felt my heart swell with a love that cannot be contained. I made this slide show for her birthday party on Saturday and I thought you might like to see it as well. :)

The picture of the video is too big to fit in the area I have for posts so you might just want to click on the link to watch it...

Every month through this first year (and for Carolyn's first year too) I wrote a letter to Nora on/around the 8th of each month telling her about what she was like that month. I know to some people it can sound waaay too ambitious, but it really wasn't that difficult; it probably took about 10 minutes once a month and I'm so glad I have my memories written down so that someday I can share them with her. I totally recommend the practice! Here is what I wrote to Nora in celebration of her first birthday!

February 8, 2010

It's about 6:45am on the morning of your first birthday! One year ago at this time, we had just gotten settled in to our postpartum room and both of us were getting some rest after a busy night! I remember feeling so hungry after the hard work of helping you come into the world that I watched the clock, waiting for it to be 7am when I could order some breakfast! I remember feeling so fulfilled and thrilled that you were here. Those first hours in the hospital are precious memories to me because I just lost myself in the wonder of the tiny little person lying bundled in my arms. I was already a mother when you were born, so there really weren't a lot of conflicting emotions; the adjustment wasn't nearly as great as it had been the first time- and I could just fully appreciate the miracle of you.

One year later and I am still marveling at your amazingness. You have a real gift, even from such a young age, of bringing life and joy into a room. Your name means "light" and it turns out that was a pretty good representation of what you are like! You're like a tiny sun in this house; everyone just naturally loves you. And why wouldn't they? There just never was a sweeter baby? This year you have been remarkably easy to "parent." I can tell now that as you are approaching the toddler phase, that you are starting to get your own ideas about things and I know the tantrums, etc. are coming, but it sure has been nice to have this year be so easy with you! There have been far more fun moments than hard ones.

This month you have really begun to make some verbal progress. Your favorite word is still HI! and you like to have whole "conversations" consisting only of this word. It's so cute! Just in the last week or so, you've started saying "IZZAT!?" and pointing at anything you can see. You were especially interested in the party decorations we put up for your birthday party on Saturday. You loved the brightly colored streamers and the balloons and must have asked "IZZAT?" a hundred times since we put them up! More and more, your "babble" begins to sound more like words and I'm excited for what is to come because it will be so much fun for me to be able to hear what is going on inside your mind once you have a few more words!

You are rapidly gaining balance and steadiness on your feet and now you can walk holding fingers (sometimes just 1 finger). Sometimes when you let go of the furniture by accident, you stand up for a few seconds before you fall. You're not quite ready for those first steps just yet, but I keep thinking any day you might be. And once you figure out how to walk like a big girl, there won't be any stopping you!

Our baby days are rapidly falling behind us and a new phase will soon begin. I hope I can freeze forever the memories of holding you while your head rests against my shoulder after I feed you and you are all round and full. I hope I never forget what it's like to hear your sister make you laugh big belly laughs. I hope I can always remember the sweetness of your skin after a bath or the way your hair fluffs up when I blow it dry. Like most parenting milestones, the "big one year" is bittersweet. It's exciting to see you grow, and my heart swells with pride as I see you make so many amazing accomplishments, and yet another part of me wishes that somehow it wouldn't have happened so fast! Within a few weeks you will be walking, and the floor will forget the "smack smack" of your little hands as you crawl over it. But your mother won't, and even as you take those first wobbly steps into a wider world, you will always be my baby.

Happy first birthday, precious Nora Bean! I love you!

Mama

Family in Town

We've had a very busy house the past week! Brad's parents drove up from South Carolina for the first time since relocating there in September. It has been so much fun having them here! Unfortunately Nana came down with the stomach flu on Friday night and so she was kind of out of commission for the birthday party (we are ALL hoping no one else gets sick!! It would be a REALLY lousy week for that!)

But besides the sickness, we've all had a great time with the family in town.

Somehow Papa got away without having to wear the fairy wings, but he did dance with Cinderella and try the shoe on her foot repeatedly (she got really upset whenever he tried to put the shoe on anyone else's foot! :))

Nana enjoyed sharing books with Nora.

As a side note, doesn't her haircut look cute?

My sisters, bro-in-law, and parents came up on Saturday for the party. I'm posting this picture to prove I was indeed there (also because somehow the angle of the camera and the weird expression on my face minimize the appearance of extra chins, which is the real reason why I rarely post pictures of myself!)

Bryan was thrilled that this was the weekend I allowed (encouraged?) Brad to go to Costco to check out their selection of screaming deals on big TVs.

With his dad's help and Bryan's help, Brad was able to get this sweet thing mounted on our basement wall! Now the place looks almost complete! And we really did get a great deal. :) It's a lot bigger than the one we have upstairs but it was actually quite a bit cheaper than the upstairs TV was when we bought it! And the picture is seriously amazing! You'll have to come over and watch a movie with us one day. :)

While the boys messed with sound and TV, Ammy entertained the girls and Nora got her Intro to Youtube. :) She was very interested. And I love her tiny little feet sticking out here! My girls are so lucky to have two sets of grandparents who love them this much!!

We also got to take a little side trip to the hospital to check out Baby Scheffers. My sister is almost 15 weeks along now, so the little one was all wiggly and we could see some cool profile shots. I've always loved ultrasounds (except for the scary moment right when they put the thing on your tummy and you can't see if it's alive yet or not... but maybe that's just me...) It was so cool to see this little tiny person inside my sister! I can't wait to be an auntie again! And I'm so excited for all the wonderful things she has yet to experience. :) (also, sitting there watching her experience the wonder and miracle of prenatal development, a very tiny part of me felt ready to do all this again! I'm excited for when it's time to go for #3... but that will be awhile because for right now 2 is all we can manage!)

So, I think that just about catches me up on pictures. Tomorrow is the ACTUAL BIRTHDAY. We are planning a special birthday breakfast and lots of cuddles with our sweet not-so-baby girl. :)

THE Party!

Today we had Nora's first birthday party (her actual birthday is on Monday but this was the weekend everyone could come)! Brad's parents have come up for the occasion, and my parents, sisters, and bro-in-law made the trip today so we were a full house! It was so much fun to be together to celebrate. Family is such a tremendous blessing. What a year of fun it has been- and probably the FASTEST year of my life! I seriously cannot believe that a whole year has gone by since we welcomed this adorable little bundle into our lives. We are all the richer and more joyful for having her!

As per birthday tradition, we brought a big bouquet of balloons to Nora on the morning of her party. She wasn't sure what to think about them.
She was pretty sure she knew exactly what she thought of the first birthday "tiara" I found for her. :)
But I got at least a couple pictures where she looks just as cute as I'd imagined when I picked it out. :)
We had cornbread and vegetable beef barley soup (one of Nora's favorites). The cornbread was a major hit.
Carolyn was pleased, too!
Nora loved the balloons and streamers we put up- she kept pointing at everything!
She also liked the slideshow video I put together for her birthday- she loved watching the baby on the screen and dancing along to the music.
And then it was time for Cake. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to do with the candle. Daddy helped her. :)
The cake itself was an entirely new entity to her! It was frosted like a little sun by Papa Craig- just like she's a little sunshine in our house!
The cake was thoroughly explored by hands.
Then tasted.
And strategically destroyed.
Overall, I think she liked it!
But then all the cameras staring in her face and the crowd gathered to watch her eat just got to be too much! She melted down...
And Carolyn thoroughly enjoyed her piece of cake and ice cream too. :)

It was a wonderful day with wonderful family celebrating a wonderful gift from God. I have more pictures from the day today and from earlier this week, but I will post them later.

Now I will share a brief update on Liam, for those of you following his story. He did well overnight last night; they are beginning to wean some of his ventilator settings and some of the blood pressure support medications. They are watching him very carefully, of course. He has a chest wound where they opened him up for surgery and that is infected, which is not really a good thing; he is on 3 different antibiotics to help clear it, but for now that is stable. They think he may still have some bleeding in his head and the last I heard he was going for a CT to check that out. So that's the status there. We are still praying for him often and hoping that he continues to improve.