Crazy Weather

Today was one of "those" days we've all had. We started this morning with the weather people in a frenzy... panicking the greater West Michigan area with their storm-mongering. We were under a "tornado watch" most of the day- and the majority of the schools closed. They even transitioned to a "tornado warning" a few times today. This means something very different in Michigan than it meant when I was a kid growing up in Texas and Oklahoma... there, a tornado watch meant that conditions were right for tornadoes to form, and a tornado Warning meant that an actual tornado was on the ground somewhere. Here a warning simply means that maybe there might be a tornado (and also that the weather people don't have a whole lot of really severe weather to deal with so they get really excited when there's a storm worth talking about). But the weather people were right about the high winds... it's been shrieking outside all day long and doesn't sound much better now. So we stayed in for most of the day. And something about the crazy weather made the kids C-R-A-Z-Y.

I pulled out all the stops. Even the foolproof, ace in the hole trick of throwing sugar cookie dough on the table and letting them have at it didn't really work. First by some recipe deciphering error, I ended up adding too much flour and then had to backtrack and add back in the right proportions of the other ingredients (but in the wrong order of course)- and so the cookie dough, while plentiful... really wasn't that good... even to someone who loves cookie dough like I do. Then I found that rolling it out on the table and letting the kids go to town with the cookie cutters mostly just made a giant mess and resulted in two sugar-hyper kiddos. There was a rough patch there this afternoon... but I regrouped, put them in pack and play time and room time, took a much-needed shower, and threw together a quick craft project that bridged the afternoon gap and brought us to dinner in one piece.
It was one of those days that seems to go on forever... a day when I would have been happy to go deal with customers behind the counter (even grouchy ones!) just for a change of pace and a ticket out the door without anyone else in tow! I nearly lost my temper with the girls more than once today... with their "mindless, inexhaustible, and nagging demands" ("Hook").

But it really is all about perspective. And when I take a breather and separate myself from the situation, I remember that no matter how long some of the days might seem, this time is really so SHORT. I was reminded of this this past weekend when my sister brought her baby son to my house and he needed a bath. I hauled out the baby bathtub that already had a fine layer of dust from sitting in the basement. As I had the wonderful joy of bathing that sweet boy that night, I thought about transitions in parenting. Some of them are really big and obvious- like the first day your kid goes to school, or when they go off to college- but a lot more of them are like the baby bathtub. I really can't pinpoint a single day in particular when we stopped using it and Nora graduated to the big bathtub... but somehow in the day in and day out routine of parenting and other changes and transition, it happened... she grew past that stage, never to return. A lot of things in raising kids are like that- you almost don't even realize that your child has changed until one day you look at her and do a double take because somewhere in the mix of it all, she's grown up just a bit more.

It's bittersweet, and makes me long for a new little life to celebrate and hold and watch grow. I don't regret Carolyn's and Nora's growing up because I love the little people they are becoming even more, if possible, than the littler people they were before... but I don't feel ready to be done with the stages they've left behind. I so want another tiny little bundle... and today I felt a bit more acutely than usual the lack of any sign of one forthcoming. :( Though, at the same time, I have wondered at times during this day whether the peculiar form of insanity that  makes me think a third child would be a good idea can be treated with medication- or maybe shock therapy? It may not make sense to want another one during this busy season of life... but want one I do. I have been given so much in those two little girls we already have... and my hands are so busy caring for them- and growing the little fledgling business that God has brought into my life... and yet I don't feel "complete." I desire that third child every bit as much as I wanted the first two. And sometimes, being patient is hard.

But as I was elbow deep in greasy dishwater today, I had a thought that I wanted to remember. I hope and pray that God does bless our family with another child- even with a few more!- but if He doesn't, I don't want to miss a single thing about Carolyn and Nora's growing up because of my longing for another child. I don't want to look back on this season of my life and feel like I "missed it" because I couldn't find a way to be content. And so today, though it was a crazy day, a tiring day, a disappointed day in a lot of ways... I tried to hold it together... and I think I succeeded just a little in seizing the day and making a few memories with my girls- even if they're memories of floors caked in flour, sticky hands and chubby fingers grabbing at whatever scraps of cookie dough remained on the table, gluey paper plate spiders that didn't stick, monsoons in the bathtub, and mischievous faces found halfway down the forbidden stairs. This is my life... and I wouldn't have it any other way.