Significance, Intentionality, and Potty Training

What a mismatched group of words to describe a post... but it's what I'm thinking about tonight.

Significance. I think that stay-at-home moms often find themselves struggling with significance, and I've been in that place lately. The "honeymoon" period of leaving my behind-the-counter job for a much more behind-the-scenes one is past. The holiday rush of business making bows is done (a good thing because I think I would have started to really hate it if I'd stayed that busy!), the activities and trips of November and December are done, and my on-call work at the pharmacy seems to have dried up, as I thought it probably would. So here I am, sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that for this season in life God has me here at home with my children, making a life and a home for them and a place of refuge for my husband... and in my head I know that there is greater significance in this vocational choice than there would ever appear on the surface. But when it comes to the every day, day in, day out whining and tantrums and nap times and spills and body fluids, and still eating lunch standing up even though I'm not working in the pharmacy anymore- I've found myself craving the feedback of others around me to tell me I'm doing a good job.

When you work outside the home, at least to some extent you have real, quantifiable expectations to meet, and when you meet them, you have the satisfaction of a job well done. But the things that spell success in terms of raising children are a lot more subtle, and a lot more long-term than a day's work. So sometimes being a SAHM can feel like a really thankless job. Of course there's all the precious moments throughout the day... but if your attitude about the whole thing is lousy, then you miss them because they're just little glimmers in an otherwise bleak landscape of drudgery! I've felt that way this week. Just "off." And when I feel that way, I tend to get out of balance in other areas as well- and suddenly the success or failure of my day depends on how many bows I sell on my Etsy site. When I'm feeling less than significant in my home life, I tend to throw myself into that because it is so addictive to have that immediate feedback and pats on the back and at least a temporary feeling of awesomeness. But of course, it's deceptive and not healthy to throw too much into that... then the snowball effect starts and I end up totally miserable.

So that brings me to the next point in my title: Intentionality. That is my goal. For awhile, when we were immersed in the Growing Kids curriculum and taking weekly classes, we were really doing pretty well on that front, and you could really see it in the behavior of our kids and the happiness and health of our family over all... but one thing leads to another, and it's so easy to slide down into a reactive, rather than proactive way of living. And today I've realized that I've gone back to putting out whatever fire is the hottest at the moment, rather than pouring into my children and my family the very best that I have, and helping in the process to prevent the fires in the first place. The schedule we once had went completely out the window over the holidays, and with me working 6+ hours most days in November/December it was really hard to do much more than put out fires. But now we're back to "regular life" and I need to find a healthy way for Etsy to fit into my regular life rather than take it over, either by working on it all the time, or by thinking and/or worrying about it all the time. I don't want to miss these days with my girls, either by being too busy to enjoy them or by being too grouchy to really see the preciousness right in front of me. So starting tomorrow, we're back to a schedule. And, starting tomorrow, I am going to fill the Hours Of Havoc between 4 and 6pm with a gym membership and trying to get my now-30-something body in enough shape to run the Shamrock Shuffle with my family in April.

And finally the point that fits with none of the others except for the fact that it is something I'm thinking about today: Potty Training. Whew! I forgot how emotionally exhausting it can be! We were on the timer most of the day today taking Nora to the potty every 30 minutes. I wanted it to be a successful day for her today, and I think it was. She had a couple of accidents, but only one really gross one, and the rest of the time, she did awesome! She is so proud of herself for wearing big girl underwear- though she didn't like the vinyl pants that went over them (seriously, WHAT child is big enough to wear those? They would fit me, and they looked ridiculous on her!), so we ditched those partway through the day. So, she's on the potty train, and I'm excited to see this one pull out of the station. Can't believe we'll shortly be a mostly-diaper-free household (we won't try for nighttime for a while yet, so they'll stick around for her for awhile at night). Now all we need is a new tiny occupant and we'll be set to go... still praying on that one... sigh... guess maybe I need to get my house in order before we go adding to the craziness...