Carolyn loves Daddy's car. She is often just as excited to see the car as she is to see Daddy when he gets home. hee hee... She often tells us "Daddy Car Fast!" [it is fast, actually]. A couple days ago, she wanted to play inside and was happily entertained climbing between the seats for about 30 minutes and making Mommy and Daddy smile on a day when there hadn't been much to smile about. It seems that God knew we would need an extra dose of her cuteness this week and although I don't have many pictures, she really has been unusually cute and sweet.I have learned a lot this week about why God designed us to live in community- so that we can hold others up when they are too weak and brokenhearted to stand. I've been on the other side of that equation, doing my best to support others, and this week I was the one lifted up in so many ways in some of the hardest moments I have ever known. At some point I want to share more fully with you, my blogging friends, what has happened this week, but for now, since I am still in the middle of the experience, I don't have the right words to say to do it justice, so I will just tell the simple story since I know there are many of you who care very much for our family and would want to know. We have been going through a miscarriage this week. It was "early," but anyone who has been here knows that that doesn't really mean it hurts any less or that that tiny baby was any less loved and wanted and cherished as a member of our family.
I have many more questions than answers right now, have cried more tears this week than I have in a very long time, and also have experienced a peace that I cannot describe except to say that I know it does not come from within my own troubled heart. We would certainly appreciate your prayers as we work through many emotions in the coming days and weeks. I am not an "inside" person, and part of healing for me has always been sharing and talking and writing. And I feel in some way that I want to write about this experience, both because I think it honors the life that God gave, and also because I know that there are many hurting little mamas out there who think they are alone in it. Perhaps my experience can bring them comfort in knowing that they do not hurt alone.
17 comments:
I'm so sorry, EB. Just know that even though I am not in your geographical community, I am in a bigger community and will definitely be praying for y'all.
EB, it's very common for women to cry a lot after a miscarriage. The emotions you are experiencing are so very hard. A book I recommend to you is Empty Arms, a resource for anyone who's had a miscarriage. I hope it offers you some solace. You are in my prayers. ~Ellen
I am so sorry, sweet girl. My heart aches for you and Brad today. We will all pray for you here.
dearest sister (and brother and niece), we love you so much and are so glad to be a part of the community that is lifting you up right now!
oh how my heart aches for you! my prayers are with your family at this time! take care of yourself, lean on those whom god has blessed you with! i love your honesty and openness in your writing...i look forward to reading how god will use this journey to glorify him! God bless! Amy of Goshen
jlwalw@ligtel.com
EB, I am so sorry. You guys will be in my prayers and if you just want to talk please give me a call or email me any time. I wish I was closer so we talk more. We love you guys!
Erica
EB, we love you and we will have your family in our hearts. If you need anything we are not far away.
The Meny's (Lisa, Pat, Allison, and Milo)
EB, please know how sorry I am for you and Brad. I too have experienced a miscarriage in the early weeks in pregnancy and it broke my heart. It hurt and I cried hard. Your emotions are normal it does not matter that you were a few weeks along it matters that a baby that you wanted has been lost. So know that I am praying for you.
Love you guys
Ginger
EB, please know how sorry I am for you and Brad. I too have experienced a miscarriage in the early weeks in pregnancy and it broke my heart. It hurt and I cried hard. Your emotions are normal it does not matter that you were a few weeks along it matters that a baby that you wanted has been lost. So know that I am praying for you.
Love you guys
Ginger
EB, I am so sorry. You and Brad will be in my prayers. I do check in on your blog every now and then to read about your family.
Take care, Mary Catherine
EB and Brad, I am so sorry for your devastating loss and I have no doubt that your baby is safe with God in heaven. Rachel
EB, I hope you are continuing to feel lifted up in prayer and know that people all over the country are praying for your family as you guys go through this. We love you!
I wish that I had words that would ease your pain. I'm afraid I really do not. But I am glad that you are turned toward the One who can. We love you and are praying for you!
(As a side note, it might interest you to know that Granny also suffered a miscarriage, before Uncle Dave. I never heard her say much about it, but you can be sure that were she able even now, she would weep with you as one who truly understands.)
lots of love & prayers, my friend...
EB, I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand your feelings, as I have walked in your shoes. It is truly devastating. Not only did you lose your much wanted baby, but you lost the hopes and dreams that you had for that baby. Someone very wise told me that when I had my miscarriage, and it really helped me identify some of the reasons that I was so sad. It helped me justify my extreme sadness and anger. Please know you are not alone. I'm up to talk about it any time, day or night. Don't hesitate to call or email. Love, hugs, and prayers to you all.
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