Delay in Processing

Those of you who have read my blog for any length of time will realize that whenever we have an "event" (like, say, Christmas...) I never really feel as though it's happened until it's on the blog- hence, I usually beat everyone else in my family to the blogosphere whenever I have pictures to post. :) So maybe you're wondering what's the matter with me this week- no posts at all for a whole week! Let me tell you about our week.

****Warning: likely to be long-winded. Feel free to skip- writing is an important "coping" mechanism for me- I need to see my thoughts "out there" in order to sort through them and get things back in order in my mind, and I'm posting them here because I thought maybe sometime they might encourage someone else who's gone through the same thing we did this week and feels as confused as I have. I have most of the pictures (left the camera at Nana's last night) and a day completely off so I'll post a "real" update later today. :)*****

This week was a triple collision of Toddler, Life, and Holiday factors that left me feeling more clueless, powerless, and discouraged than I've felt in a long time. To start with, Carolyn has now officially exited the Honeymoon Phase of Toddler development- no longer a walking, talking, compliant baby- she has now discovered the multiple uses for the word NO! My sweet, easy-going little girl has a will of her own now, and when she doesn't get what she wants, she's already started to throw a few tantrums our way! We feel thrust into a new phase of development without much warning and new battles are before us that I don't feel very for- how did we get to this point so fast?! I so badly want to get this "right" because I feel very strongly that these early months of limit setting and limit testing are so very important for her development and for the formation of a healthy parent-child relationship. But just like the feed on demand vs schedule debate or the confusion over whether and when you should institute "sleep training" there are even more "answers" than there are questions and I get the feeling that as long as love is the motivating factor behind whatever you do, there can be lots of right ways to discipline and teach your child- it's another challenging process of figuring out a game plan, and being consistent and loving. I read a lot, but when it comes to the real life challenge, I feel a bit unsure of myself. I know I need to respond when Carolyn is defiant, but I feel a bit uncertain as to exactly how to do it. So, Factor #1- an 18-month-old coming into her own, dragging her parents behind her! :)

Factor #2- Carolyn ended up, like a lot of little kids whose parents are dumb enough to allow them to play at the mall play area the week before Christmas, getting sick over the holidays. She started with a cold that developed into a fever a few days before Christmas. So since I have a Dr. for a husband and we had no wish to visit an urgent care center on December 23, Brad called in a prescription for some amoxicillin, figuring that she had an ear infection or something and this would at least hold us over until we got home. In general, she seemed okay except for being more tired, fussy, and fractious than usual, with a corresponding escalation in the little battles we'd been having for a few weeks now.

Enter Factor #3. It's the holidays and we're first-time parents of a toddler! We made the mistake of thinking that she could kind of "go with the flow" while we did a bunch of Christmas parties the week before Christmas, then traveled to visit family and traveled back home to visit more family... and maybe she could have if she hadn't been sick to boot.

So, the inevitable collision of factors. Carolyn cried through most of Christmas this year. I was sad for her that she couldn't really enjoy opening presents, but she was just too overwhelmed by the complete disruption of her schedule and being sick. But the worst of it all was Christmas night. She woke up crying after being asleep for a few hours, we helped clear her nasal passages (which she hates), and tried to put her back to bed... but all of a sudden she started SCREAMING. Not just a cry, but a completely out-of-control, thrashing about SCREAM! I rushed her down to the basement of Brad's parents' house so she wouldn't wake up Emily, and suffice it to say that the next 45 minutes were some of the longest of of my life. She shrieked uncontrollably and completely inconsolably, kicking and screaming on the ground, saying NO NO NO NO NO! I've never seen her come this unglued. She would not let anyone come near her and seemed genuinely afraid of us. It just broke my heart to see her suffer like this and to have her unwilling to let me comfort her. It was horrible. My first thought in that moment was that she must be in unthinkable pain. I should have listened to that thought and gone with my first instinct; it might have saved us days of confusion, tears, and hurt.

As it happened, though, we really just didn't know what was going on; how much had to do with physical discomfort, how much to do with the massive schedule disruption, and how much was due to the increasingly strong will of a toddler. Over the next few days, poor Carolyn continued to have these "episodes" of complete hysteria and though none was as bad as the first night, each one left me feeling so confused, frustrated, and incredibly powerless to do anything to change the situation. I was so drained from these experiences that one night I actually went to work unscheduled because at least there I would have problems I could fix- and I'd be somebody's hero for coming in, even though I couldn't seem to solve anything at home. I was SO discouraged!

We took her to the doctor on Wednesday and found out that she has a viral throat infection (so of course the amoxicillin did nothing) and finally a couple days later when things didn't seem to be improving, we called them back, told them that she seemed to be in truly genuine pain. FINALLY, we got something that worked! They gave us a little bit of Tylenol with codeine to give her and it worked like a charm! She was a different child and 100% herself again within about an hour of her first dose! What a relief! So, all in all, not the most wonderful, magical Christmas ever, with maybe more tears than laughter at times, but it was a time in which we were very thankful for family! :) And for good drugs! :) And I think we learned a few things, too.